Life As We Know It

Ok, I am officially a sporadic blogger. I can live with that. Since I haven't posted in awhile, (and I know everyone is as absolutely fascinated with Gideon's development as I am...?), I thought I would do a quick update on the family life.

Things are going well. We seem to have graduated out of that marriage stage linked to the presence of the newborn - you know, the one where you view each other as relief workers and co-admirers of the baby's geniosity and amazing physical feats, like turning his head toward the noise, or reaching for something sparkly. The stage where you think other parents are weird for wanting to go on dates, not just hire the sitter so they can get some sleep. Now, we seem to have returned to being conscious, interacting persons with a house that is, at least sometimes, under control, if not really clean. We do fun stuff like talk to each other about news or other non-baby related topics and watch "Merlin" episodes on Hulu after Gideon goes to bed and go on the occasional Home Depot date (we go together, we have fun, we spend money. Kind of like a date...right?)

And, I am trying to break into the working world. At my current pace, "break in" might be the correct word choice. It isn't exactly like the nonprofit world has thrown its front door wide open, inviting me in, but I'm still excited for what is to come. I'm just getting started with networking and making all the initial calls and emails. I'm setting up shop as a consultant, offering grant-writing, program evaluation, and advocacy (issue briefs, for example). While I did not like school for being such long days + commute + not making any money, I am looking forward to this part - real life application. I enjoy research and writing and making progress towards goals, making things better, and feeling like I'm accomplishing a purpose. And getting paid. It should be good. :)

Gideon is doing great, too. He is sitting wonderfully and has developed a new skill best labeled, "keeping the toy." Previously, he could see it, he could hold it, and then, after dropping it, he would push it around the floor until it was out of his reach. Now, he is a champ at picking it back up. It's great fun to see him growing up - I can hardly believe how much babies learn each week. In some ways, it is like seeing a plant sprout up and grow a foot right before your very eyes.

Also, we are making progress on the food front. Gideon has decided that vegetables might be real food after all, although he steadfastly refuses to attempt anything with lumps. If a lump sneaks in, he makes the gag face. We're currently using a small regular cup (accompanied at all times by a washcloth under his chin) to let him drink-and-drool his daily drinking water, since he has so far had no luck with sippy cups. He gets SUPER excited to see anyone drinking from a cup, and then is always ready to have some water himself. It's pretty cute.

Lastly,(my baby's so big!), he seems to have given up his pacifier permanently. This isn't anything I thought I would mind, and certainly not something I thought would happen so soon. Unfortunately, this means that we now have no plug to stem the tide of Gideon chatter in church and other quiet, public places. Darn! And,he is way too young understand any sort of indictor signifying he should be quiet. Pacifer 2.0 seems to be books. He will endlessly turn over board books, observing the spine, the covers, and the edge that should open. He then diligently tries to open a page, waves it around, puts it down and tries again, etc. It isn't exactly inconspicuous, but it is quiet, and it occupies him for a really, really long time. I'm sure our rowfellows in church aren't distracted at all...

Ok, that's it. I am updated. I am very, very thankful for all the things listed here as well as many, MANY others, and even more thankful to Him who gives the good and perfect gifts in our lives. Hope you are mentally in thankfulness mode, keeping the spirit of the holiday! Happy Thanksgiving to all :)

Sit Up and Take Notice

So, lately I have been "encouraging" Gideon to sit on his own - as in, pushing him into a sitting position and holding him there to see if he will balance. Instead, he always actively pushes back against my hand, trying to lie down flat on the floor. Today, we were with a group of moms and young kids, and all the kids a few months older than Gideon were crawling/walking around and playing together. Wouldn't you know, I set Gideon down in the usual sitting position, AND HE STAYED THERE. I'm pretty sure this was a, "Hey. I'm big. I can play, too," kind of moment. No need to show off for Mom; I'm going to play with him anyway. But the other kids? He definately sat up and took notice. Who knew my seven month old son would (seemingly) demonstrate a desire to fit in? Does it really start that young?!

After a moment to ponder, I realized, OF COURSE it does. We are, after all, beings created in the image of a relational three-persons-in-perfect-unity-as-one-God. Of course we want to be in relationship other people. It is a great thing, as long as we get the desire to impress right. In the words of the apostle Paul (regarding his preaching of the gospel), "we did not seek to please men but God." Great stuff. It made me wonder:

Am I sitting up and taking notice, looking for deep relationships? And in those relationships, who am I ultimately seeking to please? Hm...

Somewhere Out There

Last night, Gideon displayed his full range of vocal acrobatics - the high staccato shrieks, the impressive display of syllables such as "bababa" and "gagaga"; also, the closed mouth humming that escalates into something louder and more insistant than a hum - maybe a growl? Whatever the case, he was in his full glory, responding to every facial expression, delighting in every elicited response. And we enjoyed him just as much as we did here, when I wrote - shortly after he was born - about how ecstatic we were just to watch him move his head a few inches at a time. Little did we know what great things awaited us.

However, then, just as now, I found that even when I am completely absorbed by how wonderful this little person is, there is still sometimes a bittersweet element for me. You know, some children out there are lonely.

Where does that thought come from, right? Shake it off! Enjoy your family! When I realize that somewhere mixed in with all the wonderful joy is that bit of heaviness, I often feel a bit guilty, like I'm failing to enjoy the really good gifts God the Father has given to me.

Lately, however, I am seeing the experience in a new light - not as something I am generating and then unable to shake off, but as a holy burden, a sign of the Spirit of the Lord at work in me to be making me over, conforming my heart and mind more and more to the likeness of Christ.

"Father of the fatherless and protector of widows
is God in his holy habitation" (Psalm 68:5)

"Therefore, be imitators of God, as dearly loved children"(Eph 5:1).

What does it mean to be an imitator of God, but that we begin to love the things he loves, hate the things he hates? And such I think is the case here - while I have had tenderness in my heart for many years for orphans, the Lord does not just think about them kindly, he LOVES them. And he doesn't love his people in a "Oh, I brought you some lovely flowers," kind of way; he loves us in a, "You are completely screwed up, and at the cost of my own life I will bear the burden of your sin and instead give you my righteousness, for eternity" kind of way. Big difference. Thus far, I would say my love has been, sadly, more the flowers type.

So, having been brought to this point where I am now mourning with the many orphans who lack homes, what next? Pray for them. REALLY, really pray for them.

Really? Prayer? What about...putting this social work training to some good use, or maybe feeling the Lord prompt us that this is the moment to start down the adoption road?

Ah, the point of it all. I found, when I gave it a good, hard look, I don't want to be "relegated" to praying. Even though I have witnessed how powerful and effective it can be to be praying in concert with the will of the Lord, my view of prayer has somewhere along the way been transformed into a weak, lifeless thing compared to what prayer REALLY is, how powerful and effective the prayers of the righteous are. This is a serious problem, as my view of prayer turns out to have drifted far, far away from the Biblical view of prayer. Think about this response to Daniel's prayers...or this response to Elijah's prayers. At least, I need to think about them. God is accomplishing his purposes through the prayers of his people! That is no small thing. And while thinking about them, I think I should be praying...

Not a Tame Lion

Last night I sat down with David to watch Prince of Egypt. I had never seen it before, and David had the opportunity to pick it up and thought it might be good for Gideon some day long in the future. So, I watched it.

I have heard and heard and heard the story of Moses. I always marvel at the story, but through the same perspectives as I had when I first started hearing it...when I was very young. Wow, the plagues are pretty scary and amazing stuff. Look, he parts the sea! These things are still wonderful, treasured parts of the story. But last night was the first time I have thought about this particular story since having Gideon, and I found I experienced the story in a whole new way. Not only God as the Defender of the enslaved Israelites, but He Who Works All Things According to the Counsel of His Will (Ephesians 1) - a view that left me feeling deeply how much our God is not an easy God, not a "tame lion," (C.S. Lewis).

In the story (the book of Exodus), the Hebrews were enslaved, and "they mutliplied and grew exceedingly strong, so that the land was filled with them." Pharoah feared them if they were to rebel, so he ordered that all the newborn sons should be killed - thrown into the Nile. A Hebrew woman bore a son and was able to hide him in safety for three months. Then, she placed him in a basket and sent him down the Nile, a desperate attempt to spare him from being drowned there by Pharoah's men. The story goes on, but that is where I stayed.

The story is painful enough in hindsight, even knowing how the story will end. But to live the reality of it - many, many families lost their newborn sons to the Nile. There was no basket for them, no Pharoah's daughter - just the loss of a child. And for Moses' mother, we have no indication in the text that she was promised by God that Moses would survive. Who knew what would happen to that basket, if he would drown or starve or be otherwise killed? But God was working all things according to the purpose of his will, and he used this situation to bring a Hebrew child into Pharoah's household, to raise up a leader to deliver the Hebrews from slavery, to display his might over all the gods worshipped in Egypt (interesting to note that the plagues often struck at the domain of a given god - the Nile, the crops, etc).

There are many other parts of the story that similarly weigh on me, and all produced an increased awareness that God is at work, and He is good, but He is not easy. He is out to show us that He is mighty and far above all rulers and authorities and power and dominion and to gain the glory which he deserves. What good is it to be happy in this life and miserable for all eternity? (We may not always be happy with our life circumstances, be we are always assured of access to joy in Him that is able to withstand any event or circumstance). It is far better that his greatness should be displayed, even at the cost of suffering for his people, that more may learn to fear the Lord. For, if we do not see Him as great and uncompromisingly just and wrathful against all sin, we may not really believe that we are destined to be objects of his wrath (Eph 2) in the coming days of eternity, unless we have been made righteous in Christ (by trusting in him for the forgiveness of our sins through his death on the cross and resurrection).

But God is working all things according to the purpose of his will - that He might be lifted up and acknowledged for Who he truly is. He worked the evil of Pharoah to his purpose, and He works the suffering in our lives to his purpose. He is a great God, a compassionate One to all who wear Christs' righteousness as a result of having trusted in Christ for the forgiveness of our sins. He is both the giver and the one who takes away, something that is not always easy to understand or experience, but which does not detract from the truth of God as holy, holy, infinitely holy. Praise Him that he offers redemption in Christ, that we might be spared his wrath, and that he is at work in our lives to work all our joys and sufferings according to the purpose of his will.

A Zoo Experience

Fall is here! I am overjoyed. Usually I savor ever last drop of the warm weather, but this year I find myself looking forward to some crisp weather. I suspect that part of this is due to extra body heat associated with carrying around a small little person. Whatever the cause, bring on the fall crispiness.

While enjoying the lovely weather recently, we took Gideon and some of my visiting family to the local zoo. It's small but sweet, and I was excited to give Gideon the opportunity to see that the animals we read about every day are actually real. It turns out, they must seem REALLY real to him - as common as trees, maybe - because he didn't seem to care, even when he could clearly see the animal. (Seeing the animal only occured when they were big and in motion...it helped when they were brightly colored as well. So, most of the time he probably wondered why we were staring at trees or cages). The only animal to get a really excited reaction out of him was the leopard, and I'm pretty sure that is because it was pacing like David does, not because it was a leopard. Gideon gets excited about pacing these days. I was hoping for some reaction to indicate that the zoo was a cool thing to do, but I have been reminded of the truth that the best gifts for babies are the simplest things in life - like walks without animals, in keeping with such other fun simplicities as cardboard boxes. At least I enjoyed the zoo!

Catch-22

It is 4am, and I am awake. Apparently after a few months of having to nurse Gideon every single time anyone woke me, I now move into awakeness even when I should just roll over and go back to sleep. I'm hopeful this effect will wear off...

In keeping with the deep thoughts traditionally associated with the very tired and 4am, this morning (night?) I am musing on Catch-22. (Literally, the book.) I hated this book in highschool - really hated it. This is probably because no one mentioned Catch-22 was a satire before I started reading it, and so while I frittered away the last precious moments of my summer vacation reading a book for school that appeared to be the musings of a crazy person, on par with The Little Prince for French class, I stewed in frustration that THIS was the best literature the education system could dig up for me to read. It wasn't until I was virtually to the end of the book that I realized the whole point is to highlight the insanity associated with beaucracy - a topic which is near and dear to my heart. Needless to say, I softened toward it a bit. Over time, I find my appreciation for the themes of the book has only increased - probably in part because the actual reading of it is becoming more and more a faded memory. (In fairness, who knows if I would appreciate it as much if I sat down tomorrow to re-read it and had to slosh through the three cycles of senselessness again).

The book seems appropriate again in light of our current economic situation. People are in debt, prompting the fedeal government to hurl itself father into debt, and this new debt is likely to reduce family savings further through additional taxes (to pay interest on it) or inflation (printing money to pay the interest). We seem to have entered a self-perpetuating cycle of debt, don't we?

Of Sovereignty and Son

Recently, it occured to me how often I'm on facebook for absolutely no reason - say, when I have already been on in the last few days, or worse, the last few hours. I realized this was becoming a bad habit when I then got distracted from my train of thought, only to then log on to facebook a few minutes later. Yikes! So, I am now being more intentional about living life outside the computer screen. I might get a bit more reading done, for example.

Specifically, I have recently started to read If God is Good: Faith in the Midst of Suffering and Evil by Randy Alcorn. I wanted to read this book, because lately I have been very troubled by the suffering I hear about in the world, and I have decided I ought to dedicate some time and attention to improving the schema in which such feelings reside.

I firmly, firmly believe that God is good, all the time, no exceptions. It is his instrinsic nature, and it remains to this day - and forever- untarnished. He is also sovereign, having absolute authority over all things that occur everywhere; nothing sneaks by him, and he is never backed into a corner and forced to allow suffering. He is aware of it, and he has the power to stop it, and yet he doesn't. He is able to redeem all suffering and evil to his glory, and indeed, a cursory read of the stories of Joseph (Genesus 47ish) and the book of Ruth, to name just two, clearly identify God as not just the redeemer but also the purposer of suffering in the lives of his children - bringing about great and better plans, identifying important and magnificent traits of God, increasing his glory.

Although I am only three chapters into the book, I am hopeful that Alcorn's book will be a provocative read. He agrees with the basic concepts listed above - that God is always good, uncompromisingly sovereign. He seems willing to wrestle with Biblical truth without compromising as many seem to do in hopes of making the issue of God and suffering neater and more easily digested by the general populace. I don't expect Alcorn to have "the answer," but I am hoping for some good food for thought about the Biblical content relating to this topic. I'll let you know if the book meets expectations once I have finished it.

In other news, life with Gideon continues to be an increasing blessing. Not only is he now sleeping - 10 HOURS AT A TIME, hallelujah, but he also now shrieks with laughter and has a developing sense of humor. He understands that when David growls and booms and makes other loud noises, it is funny - not a sign that we should all panic. Furthermore, he delights in David's magical powers - namely, the ability to make the trash can lid pop up on command (it has a foot pedal for hand-free opening), to make food disappear (chewing and swallowing), and to make David's work ID badge appear and diappear (it is on a retracting clip that is pretty fast, and G's eyes don't track moving objects at that speed).

It is now a week later, and I am finally returning to post this little entry. Better late than never, I hope.

I saw my son...

Sara Groves sings a song entitled, "I saw what I saw" about a recent trip to Rwanda, and the music video plays footage of her trip as the song plays. At one point, she sings a line, "Something on the road, cut me to the soul," and soon the words "I saw my son in a little boy's eyes" are printed on the screen as we see her talk with one of the Rwandan boys.

Lately, I've been reading and thinking about children who live in situations of neglect and abuse both here and abroad, starting with orphans in Russia, and I think Groves' sentiment is the clearest descriptor of how I am affected by what I read and hear. I am "cut to the soul," in Groves' words, for it is as if I see my son in these tender children.

I have spent several weeks attempting to blog on the topic of Russian orphanages, and I find I am virtually unable to do it. The concept of being orphaned - of having no one delighting in your every smile, no one affirming to you your intrinsic worth -these things I find deeply, deeply grieving. Unfortunately, many orphans in Russia live in this reality, where they are not just orphaned from their birth parents, but in many cases, from enriching, satisfying human contact in general. Russia does have a few foster homes set up to provide children with family environments, but the stipends are so small as to be worthless, and there is no support to speak of for these families, from what I have read (for more information, see this article).

Most orphaned children in Russia do not live in a family care setting; they live out their childbood in institutional settings in which attachment to caregivers is not promoted or may be actively discouraged. Often this is the product of systemic problems in Russia, like underfunding for orphanages, working in tandem with an outdated understanding of child development in which the importance of emotional nurturance is undervalued or competely unrecognized. At the root of the orphan issues there are vast, entrenched social problems, such as high unemployment rates and widespread poverty that result in an environment where 95% of orphans actually have living parents but have been given up to an insitution providing minimally or sub-sufficient standards of care. Most will never be adopted.

I am eager for the church to engage children around the world who are hungry for love, hungry for someone to meet their needs and affirm their value. "Father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling" (Psalm 68:5). We are to be imitators of God, according to Ephesians 5, and God is a father to the fatherless. This is our calling as the body of Christ, as the fullness of him who fills everything in every way (Eph 2).

I hope that you will be praying for the countless children around the world who have unmet emotional or physical needs, that the Lord God will care for them as he does the sparrows, providing their needs daily. Specifically, we can pray that the Lord moves in the hearts and minds of those influencing adoption systems and laws so that children can be quickly (and still safely) adopted by those desiring to parent them.

Other ways to fulfill the calling to be father to the fatherless, I believe, is to become attuned to statements of need from children in your neighborhood, church, your children's friends, or organizations that meet the needs of children. Simple statements of affirmation, recognizing their worth or talents or creativity can be very, very meaningful. Children in your neighborhood may be greatly blessed to have in you a friend with an open door, and as you grow in friendship, you will likely also grow in awareness of what, specifically, would bless that individual child. Or, consider adoption or supporting families who are interested in adoption - financially, as a trustworthy babysitter on occasion, or by simply asking someone you know who is in the process of adopting how you can help.

Finally, you might want to sign up to support a child through World Vision. Monthly payments provide a child with access to education, medical care, food, and in some cases, assistance for the family that may enable them to become more stable and able to provide for the children. World Vision also has links and magazines that enable you to select an option for how you would like to assist a family (for example, buying them chickens so they can sell the eggs). Anything that supports families, supports children.

Catch Up

A wonderful month filled with family, family, more family, and friends. We took a short afternoon trip with David's parents to see Josh, our brother-in-law (David's side). After planning to see him in concert in early July, I got to see him again briefly as we had a surprise meet in the Dallas airport, flying to different locations. A bonus visit :) Altogether, it was nice to introduce Gideon to Josh and have some time with Gideon's grandparents. He clearly thinks that people who adore him, like grandparents, are great.

Also, I had a great visit with my Aunt V and cousins at a cute little diner out in the country about halfway between my place and theirs. I love family time.

And, I traveled with Gideon to San Antonio to see my parents, sisters, the old Mad-dog, and my niece-dog Penny. Such fun! It was great to have conversations in person with them and to eat my mom's tremendously wonderful food. Even her everyday sandwiches just taste better than mine...topped with avocados, tomatoes, pesto or hummus...yum. We swam the Gideonite around the pool a bit, and as best I could tell, he thought being in the water was pretty much the same as being out of it - he gave very little reaction to indicate his feelings on the experience. We'll give him time to love it. He did, however, seem to REALLY enjoy his aunts and grandparents.

This past week, we have had some great time with friends, and this morning I had a visit from a good friend from highschool and now World Traveler Extraordinaire, Kate, and her mother as they were passing through town. Lovely. We could never have imagined days like to today and experiences like we've had, back when we were sophomores in band practice. I feel both greatly blessed and old :) Sophomore year was a ways back by now.

And, this July we're celebrating the birth of a beautiful little girl to good friends of ours in Georgia! Praise God for another little image bearer.

As for projects...they are still not done. But, I suppose that is just how it is going to be! Now that I'm back and things are settling down, I hope to make progress again.

My curtains STILL aren't done, largely because of both problems with the grommets that required reordering...and now require spray painting (supposedly "gold" grommets arrived, and they are clearly orange. Darn.).

I need curtains upstairs, too, and I need a non standard size. Who knows why the windows aren't a standard height, but they aren't. This has limited my ability to buy a set to hang - at least, until I saw a set on an HGTV do-it-yourself show that proposed a solution. I found a nice blue pair of curtains, on the short side, for cheap cheap cheap. Now at some point I need to whack off the bottom three feet or so and replace them with a matching patterned material... a panel long enough to reach the ground. This should be very easy, but the trick will be getting around to doing it. Until then, I think we'll just hang them and live with curtains "a la highwaters."

Finally, I have found a wonderful book list, published originally by World Magazine and summarized in my church newsletter, from which to read over the coming months. I've been wanting something a bit more substantive than my usual fiction fare, so this list is rather timely. For those wanting to check out the list, I believe it is in this article which costs $5 to view online. (Disclaimer: since I already have a few books to work through, I haven't paid to confirm that is the correct article). Also, I have gotten some additional recommendations from others. First up for me:

The Hole in Our Gospel by Richard Stearns, CEO of World Vision. About the application of the gospel to world issues, from what I can tell.
If God is Good: Faith in the Middle of Suffering and Evil by Randy Alcorn
And, The Battle: How the Fight Between Free Enterprise and Big Government Will Shape America's Future by Arthur Brooks.

I recently read Studying, Interpreting, and Applying the Bible by Henrichsen and Jackson. I highly, highly recommend it. It is an easy read with a straightforward approach to studying the Bible. It would be particularly useful to those involved in discipling others, as it is a method that seems easily transmittable.

Ok, that's it! Next time, a few facts and info on the Russian orphancare system.

Global Food Security Act

Ok, short and sweet. I received an email with the following article from World Vision, and I thought it worth sharing. It talks about the starvation taking place in Niger, Africa, AND provides an easy way to advocate with your legislators to co-sponsor the Global Food Security Act. Do something to help fight against hunger today. Check out the article and participate!

Click here to read

To Be Continued

Lately, I haven't exactly been a faithful blogger. Unfortunately, this is going to extend a bit longer. I have decided to just announce that I'm taking July off from blogging...check back in August, if you read. I am working on a few projects at the moment that compete with my blogging time. I need to finish my curtains, and I'm traveling to see family, etc.

Also, this fall I am going to somewhat change the topics about which I write. Now that I have a child, I have found it alters my perception of the world in unexpected ways. One such way is that I feel deeply, DEEPLY grieved about social issues affecting children that I already knew and cared about - like Russian orphanages in which infants have such low levels of relational interaction that they no longer make vocalizations. And child abuse. And lack of food and medical care in many countries. These days I more than care, I am borderline obsessive about them. Since at the moment I'm not going to pick up and head out to work hands on with these issues, instead I am going to research related topics and post condensed issue briefs here.

So, check back. I appreciate that you read!

The Conundrums of Choice

This week I read an article in Money Magazine about choice that I found applicable to basically all of life. Key thoughts that stood out to me:

1)Neurologically, we are wired to manage five to nine options well. More is overload and often produces an avoidance response, where we just don't make any intentional choice, because we can't decide.

And 2), We highly prize keeping all options open, so we are likely to waste energy and resources keeping all options available, even when there are way too many.

As part of her research on this topic, Sheena Iyengar set up a booth selling jam and found that when she offered more varieties, more people stopped at the booth, but fewer bought. When she offered fewer varieties, fewer people stopped, but more bought. I think this is completely fascinating, and in my life, true. Case in point: I have now essentially made my curtains for the living room, but they continue to languish unhanged against the wall. Why? I need to order a grommet setter from the internet, but it seems that there are a gazillion websites selling them, and each sells a slightly different variety. After reading the article, it occurs to me that I'm rather endlessly procrastinating because I'm not sure how to figure out both who I should buy from and which size and what type of grommet setter to get. I should figure out some criteria to be king - say, a website who will accept payment via PayPal, for security - and just order it.

In terms of grommet setters, choice isn't exactly impacting my life in a major way. However, the problem of choice IS affecting my life in some significant ways in other areas. With Gideon, I have a set amount of free time each day when he sleeps. Some situations make it easy to choose what I will do - sleep, cooking, showering...these are important to daily life functioning. But between other fairly equal and competing options? Much tougher to decide. For example, I could commit to practicing the piano every day again. But, then I might not be able to practice Spanish, and long term, I will not be fluent. And so on and so on...since I haven't decided what DOES make the cut and what doesn't, I don't seem to be making progress on either one, or any of the other competing options either. Instead, I facebook. Not that I intend to throw facebook by the wayside, mind you, but it doesn't need to occupy all the time I'm giving it lately.

So, my goal, after reading this article? Identify ONE thing (beyond the basics of everyday) to be involved with on a regular basis. And then do it.

As I thought about this article more, I realized that difficulty making choices is not just a new problem resulting from all the technology that has exponentially expanded the options available to us. This problem of avoiding decisions has been around at least since the time of the apostle Paul, and surely since the beginning of man. "Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of time, for the days are evil..." Eph 5:16 This verse seems to have some rather specific applications, as suggested by the verses immediately around it - namely that wisdom is to be an imitator of God. But additionally, the action of the verse seems to be a caution that we are to intentionally steward our lives to the glory of God, rather than just be acted upon by the days. (I remember meditating on this verse not too long ago and thinking I should be more intentional...and here I am. Clearly, still working on this one).

For all of us, then, a certain amount of choosing and decision-making is an appropriate and required element of the God-honoring life. Iyengar's research certainly doesn't map out exactly how we should go about stewarding our lives, but it does offer interesting insights into how to work with our brain makeup - rather than against or in spite of it - to make choices in the everyday. It's worth a read, in my opinion.

The Making of Things

Last night Gideon slept in three, 3.5h shifts. I preface this with that, because restedness is a key predictor of my level of motivation... I am still mourning the disappearance of the four hour shifts, but hope they will return soon. In the meantime, I am glad to have had a night without ANY two hour wake-up calls.

Since I woke up fairly well rested this morning, I have decided that this is the week to tackle my first major sewing project ever. Curtains. I am making grommeted single-panel curtains with a liner, for those who care for such details. I like this option because it calls for a single width of fabric rather than two or three widths...much more affordable (especially when one utilizes 50% off sales at local fabric stores - ALWAYS exciting). And, it requires header work, but not so much as to make me cry before I even start. I had thought I wanted something formal like a French pleat, but then I realized that there is no such thing as french pleat header tape. There is only the tape/buckram that one must pin and then sew into pleats. Since french pleated curtains also require 2-3 widths of fabric to look remotely full, the savings resulting from doing the work myself is...zero dollars. I would actually spend MORE to make them than to buy a really nice formal pair of curtains. It would take me forever, and I would cry before finishing them, and possibly even before starting them. That's just silly. Clearly, grommeted is the better option.

So, to prepare for the launching of my sewing endeavor, I have had my recently acquired (via Craig's list) sewing machine tuned up, and, I bought a sewing basket. My thread, needles, scissors, buttons, and pins are finally graduating from my jr. high pencil box - from which they were overflowing - into their very own organized home.
Actually, I spent a ridiculous amount of time organizing said sewing basket this afternoon, and now have it conspicuously placed in the middle of my kitchen table - open - so I can admire it. I know, it's just a sewing basket. But, there's nothing like enjoying the simple pleasures in life, right? We'll see if I'm as enthusiastic about the curtain-making process as I have been about the getting-ready-to-make-curtains process...more on this later.

The Good and Unexpected

Sunshine, GLORIOUS sunshine! Today our small family of three began the day with an idyllic walk around the neighborhood. At least, that was the plan. Unforuntately, David's sandals malfunctioned, and it turns out we bought a stroller that doesn't really stroll all that well. (Sigh.) I have taken it out and about a few times, but this was the first time I tried such challenges as slightly uneven sidewalks, bumpy streets, and grass. It doesn't go, so much as stop, when it encounters such obstacles; poor Gideon may need a chiropractor. The stroller came from Craig's list, and thence it shall return.

Ok, that was Saturday, and today is now Tuesday. I seem to have gotten distracted.

Sunday started out a bit disastrously, as Gideon was awake frequently throughout the night, and in the morning I was exhausted and had a very sore throat. Not the auspices of a great day in the making.

But, the day recovered well. I wouldn't have imagined that such a day would end up being one of my favorites of the spring, but it was. We (and by we I mean David) planted wonderful little green and flowering plants along our front walk and along the back patio. I potted a few plants, but on the whole my contribution must be described honestly as keeping him company rather than really working...for the most part I rested on the blanket and fetched water or tools or cookies (true sustenance)as needed. Gideon is quite the contented outdoor baby, at least at this stage. He seemed happy to lie on the blanket, watch trees, and wiggle under the breeze. I was very glad to be out in creation enjoying my little family. Such wonderful blessings.

And today, Tuesday, has its own gloriousness as well. Last night was the first night that Gideon managed a five hour stretch at night, making this morning a much easier morning. Usually we do 2-3 hour increments, occasionally a four hour stretch. Five was unexpected and, I can only assume, the product of having loaded Gideon up on formula last night before bed. I always give one ounce after the bedtime nursing, and for various reasons, last night I gave three. And then he slept, and I slept and no one made a peep until the wee hours of the morning...and it was wonderful. Needless to say, three ounces could become the new nightcap norm. Today is also going to be a lovely day of family time, and I am very, very excited. I love my family.

I am exceedingly grateful to the Maker of beautiful babies and wonderful husbands and summer days for the glories of the recent days. We do receive such undeserved gifts at such unexpected times. As much as I have enjoyed the recent gloriousness, I am reminded that it is pale indeed compared to the gift of Christ, the great Gift and guarantee to those who believe on Him of an eternity of glorious days in the prescence of the Most Glorious One.

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation due to a shadow of turning. James 1:17

Amen and amen, no?

The Goodness of the Week

Oh, the random goodness. Today, we officially eradicated the baby mullet! Who knew my child was born with such an unfortunate hairstyle?! Not me...I must have been blinded by mother love. Having finally realized it two weeks ago, I made a mental note to cut it, and finally have. In our attempt to even out the sides and back to match the shorter top, I have basically shorn him bald. He's such a cute bald baby!

And, the major news of the week is that Gideon smiles! I love it, love it, love it. It is wonderful to have a sense of what things made his little happy neurons fire. The big winners so far are the swing, the crib mobile, and a windup music-playing toy that intersperses a few lines of off-key music with a tinny dog bark. All play music. Apart from things that play music, plaid seems to be also quite entertaining. He can stare at the plaid fabric on his highchair for almost the entire duration of my dinner prep activities...who knew plaid was so exciting?

Finally, in this catalgue of random good things, this week I made my big return to partaking in outside gloriousness. I pulled out the stroller and off we went. I even had the opportunity to go walking with another mother from church, a welcome moment of friendship and conversation and sunshine. Praise God who makes all things, who is the giver of good gifts like babies to take on walks, hot winds, sunshine, brisk post-rain air, and adult conversations. I have enjoyed them all.

Future goodness to enjoy? More sleep. While I am immensely pleased with the increase in sleep between week 1 and week 6, I am still anticipating more to come. Today I got up with Gideon in the morning, enjoyed a bit of play time, and went back to bed when he went down for a nap. Then when he woke up, David got up with him for the late morning awakeness while I slept in. I foresee great things for Saturday mornings if this plan continues. Praise the Lord for Saturday mornings and NAPS!

The Big Move

Recently, David and I watched an episode of "$10 grand in your hand" (a house renovation show). In an effort to save money, one guy who was afraid of heights was going to have to go up in a lift four stories high. When asked how he was going to do it, he laughed and said he was just going to take his big boy pill and get in the thing.

Well, Saturday night I took my big girl pill. We moved Gideon out of our room and into his nursery, and about halfway through the night, I even turned off the monitor. Even though physically it wasn't a big move - about 12 steps difference from his old spot in our room to his new crib location - it was still a big move psychologically. I could no longer crack an eye and see his little chest moving, which is a wonderfully comforting sight. (Gideon spent the first week choking on mucus, and I'm still recovering from the state of hyperalertness that induces in a new parent). I went to bed convinced that I would probably not sleep well for wondering if he was ok...and then promptly fell fast asleep. Never underestimate the power of sleep deprivation! All in all, I didn't get more sleep, as we still do regular feedings all night long, but I did get better sleep, as I didn't wake to his every squeak and cough in between the "Feed Me" cries. Last night I continued to put him down in his room, and he took it like a champ - minimal protest. All month long I've been telling myself, "Just make it to one month, and things will settle down." And they are. Sleep is a good first step.

Other than sleep, our daily activities are basically feeding, watching Agatha Christie's Poirot solve perplexing crimes in one hour DVD episodes, and playing "pass the baby." I hand off Gideon to David in order to shower and accomplish a few things, and he hands him back in order to study. We're still pretty fascinated by the little guy and have begun taking short videos of all the completely interesting things he does...like hold his own head up and try to stand. (You think that's interesting, right?! Ok, we're still new parents. We know.) I was rather demoralized to realize that one can't actually email video footage, as it is too big. Until I figure out something better, I'll have to accumulate a few videos, burn them to a DVD, and mail them out to interested parties (read: grandparents). Anyone have a better suggestion for how to share a video without making it available online to the entire world? I know there must be ways, but I don't know what they are.

And, for those who are waiting...there are no pictures coming to this blog anytime soon. I'm not interested in figuring out how to lock it, and email and facebook both offer the opportunity to share pictures to a more limited audience than the whole world. If you haven't seen pictures and want to, comment or email me, and I'll get some out.

Gideon

We have a son! I've taken so long to return to blogging that you probably knew that already, but just in case you didn't...we do: Gideon, thus named after the Biblical figure (see Judges 6). We like that the name means "mighty man of God" or "warrior," and the Biblical Gideon was clearly a man humble before the Lord. Check out the story, as it is worth the read. You can find it online here. Cade is his middle name: we just like it with Gideon, and it turns out to also mean "warrior," which seemed cohesive. I should say - I'm not expecting Gideon to necessarily be a physical warrior, but I like the meaning for attributes like strength of character, the ability to confront/challenge life, etc. Above all, he was humble before God and obedient to Him - qualities we hope for with regards to our Gideon. It was an awesome experience to hear him cry, have the doctor announce we had a son, and give him his name.

And yet again, with Gideon's birth, God proved his timing is infinitely better than mine; after all my complaining that I was STILL pregnant, I ended up delivering him at 41 weeks on a Wednesday, and my mom arrived in town on the day I left the hospital - it just worked out that way, no change in flights necessary. Good thing, too, as all my previous illusions of being somewhat self-sufficient in the days after delivery could, in hindsight, more accurately be called delusions. And, it was wonderful to be able to share Gideon with both sets of grandparents so soon after his birth - something we also would have missed out on if I had my way originally. I stand humbled, provided for, and blessed by the Lord's timing.

Gideon is one of the calmest and quietest babies I have ever come across, initially leading me to believe that we were going to have the world's easiest baby. And then I realized, sleep is his achilles heel. Thankfully, at two weeks he is now sleeping in 1-3 hour increments, so I'm getting some sleep as well.

All in all, we love parenting Gideon. We're still amazed that he's here and that we're three, no longer two. We are mesmerized by his every facial expression, convinced his ability to move his head around is a sign of future Olympic athlete status, and delighted by the activity of labeling his various actions and noises. For example, he "tree frogs": alot of his little outfits are green, and when you hold him up over your should to burp him, he slumps and wiggles until he is significantly lower on your chest with arms and legs all bent and splayed to the sides...just like a frog hanging onto a tree. And, he turtles: when rooting around for food, he opens and closes his mouth and sticks his neck way out...just to check and make sure he isn't missing the opportunity to eat by one inch :) Yes, yes we are new parents; you're SUPPOSED to be this delighted by the baby. Otherwise, you might remember how tired you are...

Delighted, tired, and humbled: probably my three adjectives of the week. Especially in the middle of the night when I'm up with Gideon and all is quiet, I think...you are made by the hand of the Lord (In Him all things were made. Without him, nothing was made that has been made. John 1). You are made to reflect and convey something about the glory of God (Let us make man in our image, in our likeness...Genesis 1), a God who is faithful and will equip you and give you purpose (For you are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do Ephesians 2:10), to his glory. You are both temporal(All men are like grass, and their glory like the flowers of the field Isaiah 40:6) and eternal (For God so loved the world that He gave his only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16). You are called by the Lord to repentence and humility before him, that you should have peace and joy abiding in him; but, you have the opportunity to disobey (For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only Son of God. John 3:17-18). And, I have been entrusted to prayerfully raise you up in the knowledge and wisdom of the Lord, attributes which only God himself can instill, but which we are to teach and model. (Love the Lord your God with all your heart with all your soul and with all your strength...Impress [these commands] upon your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down, and when you get up...Deuteronomy 6:1-13; ...Bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. Eph 6:4).

How precious and awesome a responsibility is raising Gideon, and how great and merciful and glorious and completely sufficient is our God. And so in conclusion, I rejoice in the words sung by Christians since Thomas Ken penned them in 1674...
Praise God from whom all blessings flow,
Praise Him all creatures here below,
Praise Him above ye heavenly hosts,
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.

Due dates, Book Recommendations, and the Micro and Macro World of Healthcare

Well, the big day (due date) has come and gone without any big news, as you may have figured out. Yesterday I went in for a doctor's appointment, and the nurse got excited and told me I was contracting regularly and probably about to have a baby, so I got excited, too, for about 20 minutes...until I remembered that I've been feeling those little annoying tightenings for probably 3 weeks now - CLEARLY, not a sign of labor in my case. Darn!

However, while the wait seems pretty long, at least the weather has been fairly cooperative...nothing like sunshine and a good book to lift the spirits. Granted, for those of you beneath the Mason-Dixon, 60's is probably a paltry example of a lovely spring day, but after such a cold winter, I LOVE it. As for the good book part...may I recommend James W. Huston to anyone interested in government conspiracy/military adventure type books? He seems to start with some little known line from the constitution and develop a "what if we interpreted this clause like THIS?" kind of scenario. Pretty interesting and not as convoluted as say, a Tom Clancy storyline.

Should I run out of house/errand/reading things to do, I find I can always count on the insurance company to occupy an afternoon. As I've mentioned in previous posts, there are two institutions in life that I'm fairly sure God designed just to test me, to see if I have mastered patience and self-control. These are the government(specifically the Downers Grove parking-ticket issuing body) and insurance.

In one of the great mysteries of life, my insurance company (United Health Care, let the record show!) has decided that the two major hospitals nearby are out of network, but the two country hospitals that don't even have labor and delivery wards that are located 40 minutes out in the country...those they like. Since you CAN'T deliver there, I obviously won't, but the process of communication with UHC about this has unfailingly been an unending set of phone transfers between the exceptions department - who says I don't need an exception to go to a nearby hospital, so they won't issue one, and the benefits department - who is all geared up to charge me out-of-network rates unless I have an exception. TOO WIERD, right?? I finally, FINALLY got my exception (VICTORY!!) and then found out that they had set it for one day - my due date - and since that passed, they closed it out. It is moments like these that confirm to me we are not an evolving species and that motivate me to demand better funding for education to promote a basic level of reasoning skills.

In other news, I spent the wee hours the morning this morning perusing the internet for information about this health care bill. I prefer to get my information from briefs published by advocacy groups rather than from mainstream media- you know where the advocacy group is coming from, and they do a better job of elucidating on the areas they care about, pros and cons. Surprisingly, NO issue briefs appeared in the morning's search results, leaving me to read just basic overviews provided by news stations. The most specific, succint summary I found is here, and the most detailed summary of the tax provisions that I found is located here. If you find better resources, please attach them to this post so others can read them!

I would love to read critiques of the bill that are more specific than "death squads" "rationing" "expensive" and really explain what parts various groups think are faulty, but I didn't find anything by anyone who seemed to actually know what they were talking about. I'm hopeful that useable materials will appear in coming days. I'm not yet willing to go digging through all 2,000 pages myself.

From what I can tell thus far, the death squads/rationing concern stems from a provision that provides monetary incentive to doctors to provide end of life couseling to seniors on Medicare and anyone with a terminal illness. Also, there is concern that swelling the ranks of the insured without creating incentives for people to become doctors will limit general access to medical care. And, no one can sue the government, apparently, leading to concerns that the government has final say about health care decisions. Anyone know of more specifics on this critique?

Also, the bill apparently mandates that states spend money on setting up health-care exchanges, and after 2016, states will bear at least some of the costs for the increased Medicaid population (because the bill expands eligibility to cover more people). I'm confused on this one; I thought any mandate had to be accompanied by funding? Anyway, some governors are opposing the bill on the grounds that their state can't afford the financial burden it places on them.

Expensive, as far as I can tell, is all a matter of perspective. The federal government states it is saving money, the states are up in arms about having to spend money, and undeniably the wealthier among us will foot the bill for the coming changes to the system. The question doesn't really seem to be IF the bill is expensive, it's just which group you want to see pay for all this...

More in coming days as I find it, assuming I'm not busy utilizing my healthcare in the labor and delivery ward. Again, feel free to attach information to this post. Opinions are fine, but actual information is preferred. Thanks!

Identity Revisited

So, a few posts ago I wrote about identity and the fact that major parts of my life are about to shift with the arrival of the baby. Recently, I returned to Old Testament reading about the various individuals of wickedness or faith recorded there. I found that short verses began to really jump out at me, namely those that were a summary description of the person's character or life actions as viewed by God. A few examples:

Of Caleb, Numbers 14. "...because he has a different spirit and follows me fully"

Of King Jehosaphat of Judah, 2 Chronicles 17. "His heart was courageous in the ways of the Lord."

Of King Abijam, 1 Kings 15, "And he walked in all the sins that his father did before him, and his heart was not wholly true to the LORD his God, as the heart of David his father."

Of King Asa, 1 King 15, "And Asa did what was right in the eyes of the Lord..."

Of King Ahab of Israel, 1 Kings 16 "Ahab did more to provoke the LORD, the God of Israel, to anger than all the kings of Israel who were before him."

And of course, Hebrews chapter 11 describes a long list of people of great faith and is well-worth reading over. There are many, many more descriptions of both good and bad individuals throughout Scripture, but even just these have been enough to make me wonder...how would God describe me? On our own, we are all assured of a judgement of "wicked" or "evil" or "unholy," before God...no amount of good deeds can restore us to perfection and holiness. To be judged as such is to spend an eternity apart from God; He is Holy, Wonderful, Perfect...evil and wickedness will not dwell with Him in heaven, but apart from Him in hell.

But, for those who believe in Christ, we have the assurance that He sees us as righteousness because Christ has covered over all our wickedness and clothed us before God in his own perfect righteousness. While this is a beautiful, blessed assurance of access to eternity with Him in heaven, our all-knowing God is sure to be aware of my character as it stands in the moment...and thankfully, He supplies His spirit to empower us to grow and mature from whatever point we find ourselves. But it all makes me wonder...does He see me as timid? bold? persevering, hopeful, or easily turned aside? Food for thought, as I consider my ways in light of Scripture -there are words to describe me, but are the ones I want to continue to fulfill before God?

To Be a Warrior

This morning I woke up AFTER dawn (not guaranteed these days) to a breakfast of hot tea and banana bran muffins...altogether, a delightful start to the day. I have recently been reading from Judges in the Old Testament; I really like Old Testament stories. Being a rather avid novel reader, I often wish the Bible came with appendices... "The Expanded Version of Othniel," for example.

Consider: The Israelites have been set free from generations of brutal slavery under the Egyptians. Despite the miracles they witnessed as God intervened on their behalf against the Egyptians (10 plagues), the Israelites almost immediately (and then repeatedly thereafter) failed to trust and worship the Lord, angering Him and resulting in 40 years of wandering in the desert. After 40 years of wandering in the desert, the Israelites come to the land God has set out for them, and they send 12 spies to survey the situation. 10 report a hopeless situation in which the Israelites have no chance of prevailing against the current inhabitants, and 2 view the situation with an eye towards God's mighty power and are more optimistic. These two are Caleb and Joshua. Joshua becomes the number two man after Moses (and later, leads the people into the promised land). Of Caleb, God declares in Numbers 14, "But my servant Caleb, because he has a different spirit and has followed me fully, I will bring into the land into which he went, and his descendants shall possess it." (The full account is in Exodus, Numbers, Deuteronomy, and Joshua).

In Joshua 14, Caleb is allotted the land of the Anakites, who are fierce warriors with fortified cities. At age 85, he proclaims himself still strong and war-ready, and he proceeds to drive out most of the Anakim from the land with God's strength. Last, he comes to the city of Kiriath-sepher, at which points he declares that whoever goes out and captures the city shall have Caleb's daughter as a wife.

"And Othniel the son of Kenaz, the brother of Caleb, captured it. And [Caleb] gave him Achsah his daughter for a wife." (Joshua 15 and Judges 1) It's such a small verse for such a cool story, made even better by the fact that the name Othniel apparently means "Lion of God" in Hebrew. One presumes that when someone offers his daughter like this, he is pretty sure there are men out there who want her enough to risk taking on a fortified city in battle. I suspect Caleb knew exactly who was going to go after the city. Anyway, scattered verses indicate this family experienced intrigue (spying), war, romance...

So, this was my morning. I was reminded of how the faithful in the Old Testament are so focused on God's power that they are able to overcome (or even, at times, completely avoid?) the disappointment or fear that naturally accompanies the VERY significant challenges life presents to them - like warriors in fortified cities, lions' dens, and death threats. Their stories become some of the most incredible adventures one could imagine, very unlike this image of "boring spirituality" that seems to abound today. One can't help but be inspired.

The Way We Eat When Busy

So, after five years of being in school and married (aka, living without a meal plan), I have developed a list of quick and fast meals. Initially, we ate stir fry EVERY DAY for lunch since I could make it, eat it, and clean up from it in the 40 minutes or so we had before returning to class (assuming the rice was ready). Since then, the list has expanded a bit to include other good, albeit not gourmet, quick meals. I've been revieweing the master list as I start thinking about freezing food to have on hand after the baby comes, so I thought I would share a few of our most used meal recipes. Everyone is busy at some time or another, right? Fair warning: these are still one step up from "I have NO time," (which around here produces cereal, bread and fruit, or a frozen pizza). The following do require a little bit of prep work or a stop at the store on the way home, but then they allow for very quick lunch or dinner prep & cooking time. I generally start with one cooking day where I boil chicken and boil rice (up to 1 hr cooking time) while cooking a pot roast (3hr total), which then provides an inventory for future meals.

Start with: NOTHING PREMADE and a not-so-well stocked pantry. Let's face it...empty fridges exist and cooking prep days sometimes don't. Quick and not-so-fast-food options resulting from a five minute run through the grocery store are:

Rotisserie chicken and a bag of salad or bread for sandwiches. This usually leaves leftovers...yum.
Pita bread or french bread, tomato sauce, a bag of shredded cheese, oregano, and a 425 degree oven for 15 minutes or so...pita pizzas.
Spaghetti, the old standby.
Vegetable alfredo pasta. 1 box of any kind of pasta, a few boiled vegetables, and a can of alfredo sauce. Frozen garlic bread cooked in the toaster oven (5 min) adds alot. Again, make alot and have leftovers.
Bacon, eggs, toast, pancakes, omelettes, waffles...any combination of breakfast food.
BLT or grilled cheese sandwiches.
Quesadillas (tortillas, mont.jack cheese, tomato/onion/zucchini/whatever), on baking sheet, top rack of oven on 400, approx 5 minutes.
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Start with: FROZEN SHREDDED CHICKEN. Boil/simmer chicken breasts and thighs, if you like dark meat, with skin in a pot with lots of salt and a bay leaf or two. Generally, the water level should just cover the chicken if you are trying to gague the right amount for flavorful broth later). Once chicken is cooked through - 30-45 minutes- discard skin, debone, and chop or shred into little pieces. Freeze in portions of approx. one breast or two thighs...otherwise you have to make ALOT of food when you pull it out. Save the broth in a separate container. (Defrost both as needed by moving servings to the fridge the night before use or using the "quick defrost" microwave setting). If not adding the chicken to a recipe with some sort of sauce or juice, I usually brown it (3 minutes, tiny bit of oil in skillet) for better flavor. You could start with a plain rotisserie chicken from the grocery store and chop and freeze it...

Makes:
Chicken noodle soup or stew or broth for some other soup of choice. Defrost broth, boil noodles and carrots and whatever else you want, throw in some shredded chicken.

Mexican chip dip. Defrost 1 serving chk. In a pot mix with 1 can cream of chk soup, 2 cans of drained beans (great northern are good), 1 can rotels tomatoes, 1 small can of corn/1c frozen corn. Rice will stretch it a bit farther. Stir all until hot (10 minutes) and serve with tortilla chips. Svs 2-3

Tacos or Cuban hash. Defrost chicken and throw in skillet with chopped onions. Season with lime juice and stir until browned. Serve with a side of black beans or corn. Eat in warmed tortillas with any toppings you like or with rice. Stir rice right into pan with chk and onions for best flavor...and then I add the corn to the pan, too.

Chicken salad. Mix with mayo of choice and whatever you have on hand - grapes, nuts, etc. Basil is a good addition. Eat with crackers or on bread.

Chicken on salad. Defrost and brown in skillet...eat over salad.

Barbecued chicken sandwiches. Defrost, mix with BBQ sauce on stovetop (fastest) or mix and set in hot oven for 20-30 minutes (tastes better). Serve with rolls/bread.

White chicken chili (cheater version). 1 serving chicken, 2 cans beans (1 drained, 1with juice), 1 can stewed tomatoes (or fresh chopped tomatoes) or 1 can/cup corn, 1 package McCormick White Chicken Chili, 1 c water. Mix all in pot, simmer 10 minutes.

Chicken Pita Sandwiches. Stuff pita with chicken, spinach/lettuce, tomato, avocado, green pepper, black beans (cooked, obviously). Sprinkle with lime juice before eating.

Chicken alfredo pasta. Defrost chicken and brown. Boil vegetable(s) (zucchini, broccoli, cauliflower, asparagus...etc), boil pasta. Mix all with alfredo sauce of choice.

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Start with: SLOW ROASTED BEEF. 325 degree oven, combine chuck or rump roast of any size with 2c water and 1-2c broth (beef or vegetable) and 1-2 onions, chopped. Once cooked, I usually serve pot roast for dinner and shred the remaining beef to put in the freezer. Pour liquid over the beef before freezing so you have some broth to work with once defrosted. Again, store in small portions. If you defrost the beef and it looks dry, use canned beef broth or a tomato and water broth to moisten it.

Makes:

Pot roast. Cook three hours with vegetables. Combine broth with a few scoops of cream of mushroom soup on stovetop over low heat; scoop out 1/2c or more of mixture and mix with flour, then slowly stir back into pot to thicken gravy. Repeat with flour until gravy is desired thickness.

Beef stew. Chop beef and vegetables and mix into broth (with or without mushroom soup). Add barley or rice to stretch it. If not just using leftover pot roast, I like to add rutabaga alongside the potatoes and carrots while roasting the beef. Freezes well.

Shredded beef sandwiches. Defrost meat. Brown beef in skillet (can add worsteshire sauce or some dry wine for flavor). Make up a bit of gravy or juice for dipping and eat on rolls or bread or over egg noodles.

Tacos. See above...throw some cumin in with it while browning

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Of course, you can make casseroles, soups, and other meals (borracho beans!)as well to just heat and eat...I just find that on average, these two starter meals- chicken and beef- go the farthest and offer the greatest diversity through the week, so that on Thursday I'm not thinking "I DON'T want this soup ever again. Ever." Having meat ready to go after just a few minutes in the microwave makes it more likely we'll eat one of these variations of a "Real Meal" rather than eating cereal or apples and peanut butter...which does happen often enough anyway. Feel free to post your recipes as well...it's nice to change it up sometimes.

Oh the Lovely Randomness

Lately I have enjoyed some wonderful diversity to my daily activities, spending time doing such things as picking out a fabric for living room curtains (gold on gold striped), looking at baby names, and enjoying the blue-sky days that come along. In the process, I seem to have drained off the remnants of stress from grad school, as I woke this morning to realize that it has been weeks since I've had one of those dreams where I forgot something horribly important and then panicked for the rest of the dream or the one where my car brakes won't work (and I drive an old Toyota...amazing that one hasn't resurfaced, right?). Lovely.

While most of my new activities aren't terribly challenging mental endeavors, they have still been interesting in their own way. For example, I have discovered that people who write baby name books are, categorically, neurotic. Who feels compelled to include names from every country in the world? I mean, Sufi, Safyra, Sidditch, Thor? However, the Social Security Administration provides a list of the top 1000 names from recent years (and 100 years ago, for people wanting old-fashioned names...). 1000 is big enough to include all the commonly used, less commonly used, wierd spelling variants, and downright odd (but not celebrity strange) names you could ever want to consider. It's a great resource and time-saver. How often can you say THAT about a government-run website or organization?

Also, while searching for acceptable kitchen colors, I stumbled across www.hgtv.com which archives the current season of most HGTV shows. Excellent. After trying a sage green, minty green (accidental), white with blue tint (too light), baby blue (oops, darkened it too much...), carribean blue (...and then added too much green), we finally settled on a lovely blue-gray stormy sea color for the kitchen. And, I am happy to report, our marriage survived. I also intend to use their DIY section to attempt to upholster a headboard for our bed...I'll let you know how that goes.

Other websites recently discovered or often enjoyed:

Martha Stewart Recipes
Recipes from Top Chef

House Beautiful Kitchen paint colors, Generally beautiful designs
This Old House Fabric ideas, paint colors, DIY tips
Pottery Barn Such interesting fabrics and useful as a reference for all the different styles of curtains out there...although I probably couldn't make most of them.

Hulu Full episodes of all varieties for the cable-less
Project Runway episodes!

Family Life Today broadcasts
World Vision
Voice of the Martyrs

National Vital Statistics System - database of info and trends relating to births, deaths, marriage, divorce, etc.
Kids Count A website where you can search for information about youth in your state or county...graduation rates, abuse rates, percent in unemployed families, etc. VERY interesting. Run a profile on your county, if nothing else, just to get a sense of what the issues might be there.

Next to do? I think I may struggle along a bit farther on this quilt I've been working on for more than five years (...sigh...) and pull out the Spanish books. I'm getting rusty and it might be time to run a few electrical sparks through the old language neurons and make sure they still work.

Meaningless?

Meaningless, meaningless, everything is meaningless.

At least, so states the author of Ecclesiastes, one of the most interesting and mysterious books of the Bible. And I confess, I can see from where he's coming when he writes that. We all have days, or when truly unfortunate, weeks or even years where the easiest truth to recognize deep in our bones is the meaninglessness that can pervade anything and everything in daily life.

So why, if this is the central refrain of the book, do I find myself so drawn to Ecclesiastes as not only a mysterious and true book, but one that is strangely comforting? For a long time, the best answer I could come up with is that deep down, we are designed for truth, and we gravitate towards it - long for it- even when it comes less than all dressed up. I liked it because there was truth there, in the same way that I love Psalm 42. "Deep calls to deep at the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have crashed over me." Although I don't know exactly what this passage means, the context and just the verse itself seem to portray same truth that I meditated on in the post "Tree in a Hurricane" a week or two ago...sometimes it is from God's own hand that the waves of life originate, and yet, at the same time that we experience the roar of the waterfalls, we have intimacy with God - something deep about him, something deep in us, connecting. I may not be clear on the exact meaning, but I love the truth there.

Ecclesiastes does much the same thing for me as Psalm 42. It may point out reality in all its nitty gritty, but it affirms the way God is SO MUCH GREATER than me in a really obvious way. We can toil and strive, but it is striving after the wind...unless we find our contentment and pleasure in God. We can make idols out of relationships (great sermon today on this- Ecc 4:4-16) in which we make comparison or envy our motivation for achievement...but it is absurdity, as it is seeking from others the intimacy and contentment that only God can provide. We can do whatever it is we determine to do, but without God, it is meaningless absurdity. Mark, in the New Testament, confirms the truth of this, writing, "What shall it profit a man to gain the whole world, but to forfeit his soul?" Meaningless, meaningless, everything is meaningless...as none of it will save us, none of it will endure.

So then, do I write this to say that I am about to quit all work, abandon life activities, cast aside relationships as meaningless? Very clearly - no. This doesn't seem supported by the author of Ecclesiastes or any other book of the Bible. But, it does seem to suggest that next time I feel submerged in the meaningless, I should refocus on God who is the source of all that is meaningful and from whom derives eternal contentment and joy. Meaningless, meaningless, everything is meaningless...until and unless we have Him who holy, holy, holy, Lord God Almighty.

Peter Pan Revisited

Thinking more about my musical Peter Pan moment last week (see last post), it occurs to me that this experience is a great metaphor for life - and identity - as it often operates. While we SHOULD mature and grow from our youth into greater wisdom and knowledge, sometimes we also let things stick and crust over our perspective so that we no longer see things as simply or joyfully as we did as children. Simply put, we move from Peter Pan to Robin Williams (who, like him or hate him...is obviously NOT as cool as a flying Pan). We may grow in wisdom, but often equally, in cynicism.

Jesus himself praised the qualities of childlikeness, recommending that everyone approach God the Father with the same openess as children bring. Carrying worldly burdens, the grief or frustration of the day, or simply by focusing so intently on "To Dos" that I never stop, I often miss the opportunity to savor the pure blissful experience that is knowing God - Father, Son, and Holy Spirit- and being known by him.

This thought is particularly challenging for me, as I just did a study last year based on Richard Foster's book The Celebration of Discipline, in which he clearly emphasizes the importance of simplicity as an intentional way of living. I first heard about the intentional practice of simplicity when I was in highschool, and I have found it completely fascinating ever since, although I have lived it out with varying degrees of success/unsuccess throughout the years.

To briefly recap, simplicity is not necessarily austerity and learning to live without unimportant extras (although we could all use more of this and it certainly enhances one's ability to practice simplicity). Rather, simplicity is a way of living with focus and clarity about what IS important, namely, Jesus Christ. As Carol A. Jenkins writes in her study entitled Practicing the Spiritual Disciplines,

"Simplicity recognizes we are eternal. We are not about the temporal but the eternal and our eyes are on the things above...Therefore, the practice of simplicity is about learning to live in the temporal with an eternal view and lifestyle." Specifically, it is about managing our lives to align with the truth that we are but stewards, not owners.

God gives, God takes away, and no man can accumulate possessions or skills or relationships that can insulate him from future trouble, should God give such trouble into his life. This can be a terrifying truth to those who have not found peace with the concept of God as sovereign, but it can provide even more abundant peace when viewed from the perspective that our responsibility over our lives (and possessions) is limited to what we can reasonably be expected to accomplish. We could term our responsibility as prudence, not prescience: God calls us to live prudently for the future, but I find no evidence that He expects me to plan for the future, as if I could know what such future may hold. That is his domain.

All this to say...I far more often consider the concept of simplicity and stewardship with regards to how I interact with material goods than I do in application to how I interact with experiences and relationships, and so while I may consciously return to a focused state of living on one level, I often let the grit and grime of life stick to my mind and heart and taint my perspective, rather than intentionally smoothing out and stripping away that which crowds out childlike joy.

The apostle Paul writes, "Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through Him who strengths me. " (Philippians 4) What a beautiful way to live- content in all moments. This is certainly a worthy goal, although at times, a challenge.

THERE you are, Peter!

Lately I feel like I've been living that scene from Hook, when the small child uses the palms of his hands to stretch Robin Williams' face like a bad facelift - and catches a glimpse of the boy Peter Pan underneath all the wrinkled grownup exterior, at which point he exclaims, "THERE you are, Peter!"

As you know, if you have read my last post, I have been thinking alot about identity. In fact, such thoughts sneak up on me even when I'm not purposefully considering the topic. Yesterday, I sat down to practice the piano for choir practice, and I also went through the stacks of music I used to be able to play to choose a few pieces I would commit to practicing and reviving to their former glory. Choosing my favorite, I began trying to retrieve it from the dark corners of my memory...ignoring the rather unsteady rhythym and the odd loud notes that sprung from fingers out of practice, I just tried to reach for the notes. After an hour or so of peeking at the music each time I got stuck, I was able to hammer out a roughshod version of this lovely impressionistic piece. I am on my way!

For years, "musician" was a significant part of who I perceived myself to be. At age six, I used to play with a neighborhood girl whose mother was blind. Sometimes when I would go over to the house, I would find her mother sitting in the dark at an old upright piano, no music in sight. Occasionally she would stop and play back a section from a tape recorder, on which someone had recorded the song and verbalized the names of the chords or the order of the notes in a particularly sticky passage. And then she would resume playing. She could have been playing Old MacDonald for all I remember, but at the time, it made music seem like a mysterious and beautiful effort to see her playing unseen notes. As a result of those visits, I began a relentless campaign to beg my parents for lessons, in which they graciously accomodated me. 20 years later, I felt that same childish delight in music returning as I plunked out a hackneyed version of my favorites songs. It was its own Peter Pan moment, I suppose.

I Dreamed of Genie...Sort Of

Lately, due to the pregnant state, I find myself much more well acquainted with 5am than I ever have been previously. As my husband will testify, I don't have the night-owl endurance to see it from the evening side, and I have never really qualified as a morning person, let alone a 5am-er. But all that changes, because apparently, Baby Rogers IS a morning person and loves those dark morning hours. Expending only minimal energy throughout the day, this little one is a marathoner - flipping, kicking, and generally bouncing enthusiastically for an hour or more, usually around 5am. Sometimes I get warm up or encore performances at 2 and 7 as well. So, I have had plenty of time lately to lie in bed and think the thoughts that usually start with the realization that I'm not in Kansas anymore, Toto. I'm awake.

Apparently, all that awake time just isn't enough to process the random going-ons in my head, because I have noticed my dreams getting wierder and weirder, like I've been sampling the field of poppies on the way to Oz. Last night, for example, I dreamed about the baby. Specifically, I dreamed we had a girl...who I then promptly carried around by laying her across my shoulder like a sack of potatoes, just hanging onto a leg to keep her balanced. The baby basically came by stork, as there was just a signing to claim custody from the hospital, no painful labor (Um, yes please?). And, we didn't name her, because we didn't have any names narrowed down. So, take it all with a grain of salt. :) It seemed entertaining, but not exactly a sign from God.

So, here's your chance to weigh in on the Great Baby Debate- boy or girl? From what I can tell, girl is definately the minority opinion. I think only my mother and my father-in-law are feeling the girl vibe, and everyone else in the family has this baby pegged as a boy- my sister Heather and my nephew among the most adamant. David has pretty well staked out neutral, although I think he's hoping for a solid vibe of some sort before the baby arrives...

The New Me?

Here's the assignment. Take a blank 8 by 11 inch piece of paper: this sheet represents the whole of you. Now, visually represent (circles, dividing lines, squares...) the various roles you occupy and how much of "you" they constitute. For example, if you are daughter, is that 10%, 50%, 80% of your page? Student, wife, athlete, etc... Identify your roles and mark them in. (Overlapping is allowed if the roles are interlinked, like Christian and wife are for me). I did this assignment in undergrad for one of my psychology courses, and while I initially thought it was stupid, I ultimately thought it was interesting to see which roles take precedence/priority in the way I perceive myself. You might enjoy this.

Lately my thoughts have been returning to this assignment, because the roles making up my identity are in transition. Student is out, parent is in. And, I've been wondering what else is out or in...and to what extent. Currently, "social worker" occupies a tiny corner, almost like a footnote. (I qualify to be one, but I am not actively pursuing it at the moment). Musician is expanding, as we finally, FINALLY have a piano again. Artist has made a very brief appearance on the scene with all my attempts to paint children's art...and then I expect it to recede again. Chef extraordinaire (ok, exaggeration) has made a comeback as student has diminished and I have time to anticipate that dinner will come around again tomorrow and maybe I should defrost some meat rather than be surprised at 8 when food doesn't magically materialize. Minimal athlete is getting minimal-er; my somewhat regular but only moderately difficult workouts have devolved into lumbering walks to the end of the street and back. (I know, normal for pregnancy. The question is whether they will ever scale back up again...?)

Of course, parent is the role that brought all this mental meandering on, since it is likely to be a massive shock wave to the other roles; even though I'm excited for this new stage, I admit I'm interested in preserving some other identities that could easily be engulfed along the way unless guarded. Wife, I've noticed, can often be diminished as a result of general exhaustion, as can most roles tied to personal interests but not tied to a money-making endeavor or of direct benefit to other family members. I've started to pay attention to how women around me execute the parent role and how women throughout history have done so and evaluate such approaches for a possible fit... but this is a topic big enough for another post. Suffice it to say, the options are limitless. I find the Roosevelt women particularly fascinating. While they seemed to have adopted a slightly more hands off approach than I would probably go for, partly due to the presence of a nanny/governess, they cultivated a wide variety of outside interests - often community planning or volunteer related. (I recently read a book entitled, "The Roosevelt Women" that was a pretty interesting read).

Overall, it has been an interesting mental exercise to project different versions of my future self; if such thoughts have any influence on my actual choices when the time comes...we'll see. But,the process has been beneficial, regardless. While I have been evaluating the roles of my life, I find I have REALLY been establishing perspective on how I will measure success in my life. It is important to me that whatever I end up doing that David agrees with me that it is worthwhile, and such conversations give us the opportunity to craft a vision of various ways of being and their value, both from earthly and eternal perspectives.

Paul, in the New Testament, tells us that one day everything we have accomplished will be viewed with an eternal lens- and many of the things we valued as gems will be revealed as smoke and ashes with no lasting value. Thankfully, the measuring standard isn't a secret formula. I happen to like the succinct words of Micah 6:8. "He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?" While broad, it gives us a starting point. Proverbs, on the other hand, clearly identifies specific actions and paths that are wise...valuing family, taking time to both instruct/disciple and discipline children, compassion towards the poor, working to provide for the family's needs...and so on. The entire Bible articulates the values of God, along with suggestions about how one should incorporate them into everyday character and life. So, that's my thought for the day, and hopefully one you will stop to consider along with me. Who are we, and are those roles worth being? No time like the present for a little transitioning...

A Tree in the Hurricane

Today I spent four hours driving. Generally, I leave the radio off or only listen to it as long as something is truly worthwhile. Today as I was about to give up on it, I caught a station just as it started the David Crowder song, "How He Loves Us," which has become my new obsession. Watch it here:

David Crowder, "How He Loves Us" Music Video

I tend to be more logical than sentimental or romantic about such things, but this song is for me one those where I feel it echo and resonate in the deepest parts of me, as though the Spirit of God and my spirit are in complete agreement on these truths and their application to my life.

"He is jealous for me. [His] love's like a hurricane, I am a tree, bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy..."

"When all of the sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory..."

What is a tree compared to a hurricane? We are nothing, He is everything, and to be in his presence is so satisfying as to fade out all our afflictions and suffering. Such beautiful truths...we are loved by a great being who is the central foundation for all that is good and holy and marvelous and powerful. He retained his justice while also displaying his mercy by both demanding the payment of and then providing the price for our sin (payment of sin is death, and God the Son paid that price on our behalf), so we continue as loved ones, loved by an undiminished great and holy God, our hurricane.

As the tree, I find that sometimes I am stripped down of the things I loved most, of my prized plans and dreams, or of pleasant life situations and left standing bare in the aftermath. Sometimes I feel uprooted entirely. Regardless, it is always marvelous that the God who acts upon me has also chosen to love me deeply and is so satisfying as to be able to eclipse any affliction. What a marvelous inheritance we have in Christ, and how beautifully this part of it is expressed in the song. There is nothing so challenging, so beautiful, as living in faith in Jesus Christ.

Who Knew? You DO read this blog...

Last month, after I realized that I'm averaging about one post per month, I closed up shop on the blog front. I had exactly one follower (thanks Kate!) and was pretty convinced that no one ever reads this, especially since I import the notes into facebook anyway. Most of the people I know who are interested in observing other people's lives online can be found there, so I shouldn't be surprised if a blog is a bit redundant on top of facebook, right? Right. At least, that's what I thought. However, I have gotten a few questions about where the blog disappeared to, which in turn encouraged me to revive it. I happen to love translating life into words, as it gives me the opportunity to form perspective on the events of the everday; and, I learned that facebook's note format is not nearly as friendly as blogger's. So, the blog returns. I even put a picture on my page :)

(For those reading this through facebook...the blog address is http://TheRogersPost.blogspot.com. I tried to pick something easy to remember.)

Three Cheers for the New Year

I am not one to generally get really hyped up about the New Year, and I can't say that this year was any major exception. I believe 2010 found me on the couch watching Star Trek Voyager with my husband, and it was only happenstance that we didn't crash and head to bed earlier in the evening. So, clearly, no big fuss at the Rogers household :) Although we did completely disregard all traditions about the New Year, we did have some excellent end of the year fun with a few good friends in Chicago on the 30th, when we all stayed in a fabulous hotel and spent the evening walking the Magnificent Mile and eating the best of all pizza- Giordano's. Great times!

While I may not have greeted the dawn of the new year with festivities, I still awoke the next day to find a rather pleasant and accomodating 2010. I have graduated and now set foot in my first year since 1989 when school is not a major part of the agenda, and, we are two-ish months away from meeting the littlest Rogers. Not having school and commutes and homework around which to structure my life, the main activities for me are now 1) start up consulting work, and 2) get ready for the baby. No surprise...the baby is winning.

Over Christmas, my mom and I toured various baby stores in San Antonio and collected ideas for decorating the baby's room; after many years of atrophy from disuse, I decided to flex my artistic muscles (previously used for such accomplishments as school diarama's, clay sphinxes/pyramids, and a southern plantation constructed of sugar cubes- just to give you perspective here). I have started painting a 3ft x 4ft map of the world, decorating the various continents and oceans with associated animals and fish. It has been incredibly great fun; I have taken over the living room with canvas tarps, piles of pictures and atlases from the internet, and now am using the book shelves as a makeshift easel against which I can prop my gigantic canvas (turns out, it doesn't fit on the cheap-o table top easel I bought. I think I should have anticiapted that). I will say, as fun as this is, it is excellent confirmation that I didn't miss my calling by not pursing art. The painting itself is actually sweet, but I must be one of the world's slowest artists. It's a good thing I have a few months!

David is also continuing to flex his DIY muscles with home improvement projects. I think he has reached official DIY-Guy status, as he is now 1) recognized at Home Depot the way some people are recognized at their favorite restaurant, 2) has jeans that are more cement and spackle and paint that fabric, 3) bears a new collection of nicks, scars, and other battle wounds (none serious) as are incurred by those who operate power tools and rip things off walls, and 4) has acquired a new vocabulary, of which I understand little...jigsaws and table saws and tile saws, thinset, spacers... My kitchen looks great and is continuing to improve. Yay for the handy husband!

So for us, 2010 has started pleasantly and holds great promise as a memorable year. Looking ahead, I am tempted to describe "at such and such time, I will do this," but if 2009 taught me anything, it is that though a man determines his steps, it is the Lord who determines his path (Pr 19:21). Just because I think I know what is coming is no indication that I do! (There are all kinds of things I'd like to do - read current event books, audit a refresher Spanish course, travel to see family...but none of these really seem like resolution material, so much as interests.) So my resolution, if you would call it that, is best summed up in these words: "Be not rash with your mouth, nor let your heart be hasty to utter a word before God, for God is heaven and you are on earth. Therefore, let your words be few..." Rather than resolving to do something, I hope to pass 2010 in quietness before God, in which I can listen to His voice and appreciate His glory. This seems appropriate to a year that has started so quietly itself and also appropriate in light of last year's epiphany about how I should relate to the future. So, three cheers to the New Year, whatever it may bring, and may it find us all in His good hands.