Life As We Know It

Ok, I am officially a sporadic blogger. I can live with that. Since I haven't posted in awhile, (and I know everyone is as absolutely fascinated with Gideon's development as I am...?), I thought I would do a quick update on the family life.

Things are going well. We seem to have graduated out of that marriage stage linked to the presence of the newborn - you know, the one where you view each other as relief workers and co-admirers of the baby's geniosity and amazing physical feats, like turning his head toward the noise, or reaching for something sparkly. The stage where you think other parents are weird for wanting to go on dates, not just hire the sitter so they can get some sleep. Now, we seem to have returned to being conscious, interacting persons with a house that is, at least sometimes, under control, if not really clean. We do fun stuff like talk to each other about news or other non-baby related topics and watch "Merlin" episodes on Hulu after Gideon goes to bed and go on the occasional Home Depot date (we go together, we have fun, we spend money. Kind of like a date...right?)

And, I am trying to break into the working world. At my current pace, "break in" might be the correct word choice. It isn't exactly like the nonprofit world has thrown its front door wide open, inviting me in, but I'm still excited for what is to come. I'm just getting started with networking and making all the initial calls and emails. I'm setting up shop as a consultant, offering grant-writing, program evaluation, and advocacy (issue briefs, for example). While I did not like school for being such long days + commute + not making any money, I am looking forward to this part - real life application. I enjoy research and writing and making progress towards goals, making things better, and feeling like I'm accomplishing a purpose. And getting paid. It should be good. :)

Gideon is doing great, too. He is sitting wonderfully and has developed a new skill best labeled, "keeping the toy." Previously, he could see it, he could hold it, and then, after dropping it, he would push it around the floor until it was out of his reach. Now, he is a champ at picking it back up. It's great fun to see him growing up - I can hardly believe how much babies learn each week. In some ways, it is like seeing a plant sprout up and grow a foot right before your very eyes.

Also, we are making progress on the food front. Gideon has decided that vegetables might be real food after all, although he steadfastly refuses to attempt anything with lumps. If a lump sneaks in, he makes the gag face. We're currently using a small regular cup (accompanied at all times by a washcloth under his chin) to let him drink-and-drool his daily drinking water, since he has so far had no luck with sippy cups. He gets SUPER excited to see anyone drinking from a cup, and then is always ready to have some water himself. It's pretty cute.

Lastly,(my baby's so big!), he seems to have given up his pacifier permanently. This isn't anything I thought I would mind, and certainly not something I thought would happen so soon. Unfortunately, this means that we now have no plug to stem the tide of Gideon chatter in church and other quiet, public places. Darn! And,he is way too young understand any sort of indictor signifying he should be quiet. Pacifer 2.0 seems to be books. He will endlessly turn over board books, observing the spine, the covers, and the edge that should open. He then diligently tries to open a page, waves it around, puts it down and tries again, etc. It isn't exactly inconspicuous, but it is quiet, and it occupies him for a really, really long time. I'm sure our rowfellows in church aren't distracted at all...

Ok, that's it. I am updated. I am very, very thankful for all the things listed here as well as many, MANY others, and even more thankful to Him who gives the good and perfect gifts in our lives. Hope you are mentally in thankfulness mode, keeping the spirit of the holiday! Happy Thanksgiving to all :)

Sit Up and Take Notice

So, lately I have been "encouraging" Gideon to sit on his own - as in, pushing him into a sitting position and holding him there to see if he will balance. Instead, he always actively pushes back against my hand, trying to lie down flat on the floor. Today, we were with a group of moms and young kids, and all the kids a few months older than Gideon were crawling/walking around and playing together. Wouldn't you know, I set Gideon down in the usual sitting position, AND HE STAYED THERE. I'm pretty sure this was a, "Hey. I'm big. I can play, too," kind of moment. No need to show off for Mom; I'm going to play with him anyway. But the other kids? He definately sat up and took notice. Who knew my seven month old son would (seemingly) demonstrate a desire to fit in? Does it really start that young?!

After a moment to ponder, I realized, OF COURSE it does. We are, after all, beings created in the image of a relational three-persons-in-perfect-unity-as-one-God. Of course we want to be in relationship other people. It is a great thing, as long as we get the desire to impress right. In the words of the apostle Paul (regarding his preaching of the gospel), "we did not seek to please men but God." Great stuff. It made me wonder:

Am I sitting up and taking notice, looking for deep relationships? And in those relationships, who am I ultimately seeking to please? Hm...

Somewhere Out There

Last night, Gideon displayed his full range of vocal acrobatics - the high staccato shrieks, the impressive display of syllables such as "bababa" and "gagaga"; also, the closed mouth humming that escalates into something louder and more insistant than a hum - maybe a growl? Whatever the case, he was in his full glory, responding to every facial expression, delighting in every elicited response. And we enjoyed him just as much as we did here, when I wrote - shortly after he was born - about how ecstatic we were just to watch him move his head a few inches at a time. Little did we know what great things awaited us.

However, then, just as now, I found that even when I am completely absorbed by how wonderful this little person is, there is still sometimes a bittersweet element for me. You know, some children out there are lonely.

Where does that thought come from, right? Shake it off! Enjoy your family! When I realize that somewhere mixed in with all the wonderful joy is that bit of heaviness, I often feel a bit guilty, like I'm failing to enjoy the really good gifts God the Father has given to me.

Lately, however, I am seeing the experience in a new light - not as something I am generating and then unable to shake off, but as a holy burden, a sign of the Spirit of the Lord at work in me to be making me over, conforming my heart and mind more and more to the likeness of Christ.

"Father of the fatherless and protector of widows
is God in his holy habitation" (Psalm 68:5)

"Therefore, be imitators of God, as dearly loved children"(Eph 5:1).

What does it mean to be an imitator of God, but that we begin to love the things he loves, hate the things he hates? And such I think is the case here - while I have had tenderness in my heart for many years for orphans, the Lord does not just think about them kindly, he LOVES them. And he doesn't love his people in a "Oh, I brought you some lovely flowers," kind of way; he loves us in a, "You are completely screwed up, and at the cost of my own life I will bear the burden of your sin and instead give you my righteousness, for eternity" kind of way. Big difference. Thus far, I would say my love has been, sadly, more the flowers type.

So, having been brought to this point where I am now mourning with the many orphans who lack homes, what next? Pray for them. REALLY, really pray for them.

Really? Prayer? What about...putting this social work training to some good use, or maybe feeling the Lord prompt us that this is the moment to start down the adoption road?

Ah, the point of it all. I found, when I gave it a good, hard look, I don't want to be "relegated" to praying. Even though I have witnessed how powerful and effective it can be to be praying in concert with the will of the Lord, my view of prayer has somewhere along the way been transformed into a weak, lifeless thing compared to what prayer REALLY is, how powerful and effective the prayers of the righteous are. This is a serious problem, as my view of prayer turns out to have drifted far, far away from the Biblical view of prayer. Think about this response to Daniel's prayers...or this response to Elijah's prayers. At least, I need to think about them. God is accomplishing his purposes through the prayers of his people! That is no small thing. And while thinking about them, I think I should be praying...

Not a Tame Lion

Last night I sat down with David to watch Prince of Egypt. I had never seen it before, and David had the opportunity to pick it up and thought it might be good for Gideon some day long in the future. So, I watched it.

I have heard and heard and heard the story of Moses. I always marvel at the story, but through the same perspectives as I had when I first started hearing it...when I was very young. Wow, the plagues are pretty scary and amazing stuff. Look, he parts the sea! These things are still wonderful, treasured parts of the story. But last night was the first time I have thought about this particular story since having Gideon, and I found I experienced the story in a whole new way. Not only God as the Defender of the enslaved Israelites, but He Who Works All Things According to the Counsel of His Will (Ephesians 1) - a view that left me feeling deeply how much our God is not an easy God, not a "tame lion," (C.S. Lewis).

In the story (the book of Exodus), the Hebrews were enslaved, and "they mutliplied and grew exceedingly strong, so that the land was filled with them." Pharoah feared them if they were to rebel, so he ordered that all the newborn sons should be killed - thrown into the Nile. A Hebrew woman bore a son and was able to hide him in safety for three months. Then, she placed him in a basket and sent him down the Nile, a desperate attempt to spare him from being drowned there by Pharoah's men. The story goes on, but that is where I stayed.

The story is painful enough in hindsight, even knowing how the story will end. But to live the reality of it - many, many families lost their newborn sons to the Nile. There was no basket for them, no Pharoah's daughter - just the loss of a child. And for Moses' mother, we have no indication in the text that she was promised by God that Moses would survive. Who knew what would happen to that basket, if he would drown or starve or be otherwise killed? But God was working all things according to the purpose of his will, and he used this situation to bring a Hebrew child into Pharoah's household, to raise up a leader to deliver the Hebrews from slavery, to display his might over all the gods worshipped in Egypt (interesting to note that the plagues often struck at the domain of a given god - the Nile, the crops, etc).

There are many other parts of the story that similarly weigh on me, and all produced an increased awareness that God is at work, and He is good, but He is not easy. He is out to show us that He is mighty and far above all rulers and authorities and power and dominion and to gain the glory which he deserves. What good is it to be happy in this life and miserable for all eternity? (We may not always be happy with our life circumstances, be we are always assured of access to joy in Him that is able to withstand any event or circumstance). It is far better that his greatness should be displayed, even at the cost of suffering for his people, that more may learn to fear the Lord. For, if we do not see Him as great and uncompromisingly just and wrathful against all sin, we may not really believe that we are destined to be objects of his wrath (Eph 2) in the coming days of eternity, unless we have been made righteous in Christ (by trusting in him for the forgiveness of our sins through his death on the cross and resurrection).

But God is working all things according to the purpose of his will - that He might be lifted up and acknowledged for Who he truly is. He worked the evil of Pharoah to his purpose, and He works the suffering in our lives to his purpose. He is a great God, a compassionate One to all who wear Christs' righteousness as a result of having trusted in Christ for the forgiveness of our sins. He is both the giver and the one who takes away, something that is not always easy to understand or experience, but which does not detract from the truth of God as holy, holy, infinitely holy. Praise Him that he offers redemption in Christ, that we might be spared his wrath, and that he is at work in our lives to work all our joys and sufferings according to the purpose of his will.

A Zoo Experience

Fall is here! I am overjoyed. Usually I savor ever last drop of the warm weather, but this year I find myself looking forward to some crisp weather. I suspect that part of this is due to extra body heat associated with carrying around a small little person. Whatever the cause, bring on the fall crispiness.

While enjoying the lovely weather recently, we took Gideon and some of my visiting family to the local zoo. It's small but sweet, and I was excited to give Gideon the opportunity to see that the animals we read about every day are actually real. It turns out, they must seem REALLY real to him - as common as trees, maybe - because he didn't seem to care, even when he could clearly see the animal. (Seeing the animal only occured when they were big and in motion...it helped when they were brightly colored as well. So, most of the time he probably wondered why we were staring at trees or cages). The only animal to get a really excited reaction out of him was the leopard, and I'm pretty sure that is because it was pacing like David does, not because it was a leopard. Gideon gets excited about pacing these days. I was hoping for some reaction to indicate that the zoo was a cool thing to do, but I have been reminded of the truth that the best gifts for babies are the simplest things in life - like walks without animals, in keeping with such other fun simplicities as cardboard boxes. At least I enjoyed the zoo!

Catch-22

It is 4am, and I am awake. Apparently after a few months of having to nurse Gideon every single time anyone woke me, I now move into awakeness even when I should just roll over and go back to sleep. I'm hopeful this effect will wear off...

In keeping with the deep thoughts traditionally associated with the very tired and 4am, this morning (night?) I am musing on Catch-22. (Literally, the book.) I hated this book in highschool - really hated it. This is probably because no one mentioned Catch-22 was a satire before I started reading it, and so while I frittered away the last precious moments of my summer vacation reading a book for school that appeared to be the musings of a crazy person, on par with The Little Prince for French class, I stewed in frustration that THIS was the best literature the education system could dig up for me to read. It wasn't until I was virtually to the end of the book that I realized the whole point is to highlight the insanity associated with beaucracy - a topic which is near and dear to my heart. Needless to say, I softened toward it a bit. Over time, I find my appreciation for the themes of the book has only increased - probably in part because the actual reading of it is becoming more and more a faded memory. (In fairness, who knows if I would appreciate it as much if I sat down tomorrow to re-read it and had to slosh through the three cycles of senselessness again).

The book seems appropriate again in light of our current economic situation. People are in debt, prompting the fedeal government to hurl itself father into debt, and this new debt is likely to reduce family savings further through additional taxes (to pay interest on it) or inflation (printing money to pay the interest). We seem to have entered a self-perpetuating cycle of debt, don't we?

Of Sovereignty and Son

Recently, it occured to me how often I'm on facebook for absolutely no reason - say, when I have already been on in the last few days, or worse, the last few hours. I realized this was becoming a bad habit when I then got distracted from my train of thought, only to then log on to facebook a few minutes later. Yikes! So, I am now being more intentional about living life outside the computer screen. I might get a bit more reading done, for example.

Specifically, I have recently started to read If God is Good: Faith in the Midst of Suffering and Evil by Randy Alcorn. I wanted to read this book, because lately I have been very troubled by the suffering I hear about in the world, and I have decided I ought to dedicate some time and attention to improving the schema in which such feelings reside.

I firmly, firmly believe that God is good, all the time, no exceptions. It is his instrinsic nature, and it remains to this day - and forever- untarnished. He is also sovereign, having absolute authority over all things that occur everywhere; nothing sneaks by him, and he is never backed into a corner and forced to allow suffering. He is aware of it, and he has the power to stop it, and yet he doesn't. He is able to redeem all suffering and evil to his glory, and indeed, a cursory read of the stories of Joseph (Genesus 47ish) and the book of Ruth, to name just two, clearly identify God as not just the redeemer but also the purposer of suffering in the lives of his children - bringing about great and better plans, identifying important and magnificent traits of God, increasing his glory.

Although I am only three chapters into the book, I am hopeful that Alcorn's book will be a provocative read. He agrees with the basic concepts listed above - that God is always good, uncompromisingly sovereign. He seems willing to wrestle with Biblical truth without compromising as many seem to do in hopes of making the issue of God and suffering neater and more easily digested by the general populace. I don't expect Alcorn to have "the answer," but I am hoping for some good food for thought about the Biblical content relating to this topic. I'll let you know if the book meets expectations once I have finished it.

In other news, life with Gideon continues to be an increasing blessing. Not only is he now sleeping - 10 HOURS AT A TIME, hallelujah, but he also now shrieks with laughter and has a developing sense of humor. He understands that when David growls and booms and makes other loud noises, it is funny - not a sign that we should all panic. Furthermore, he delights in David's magical powers - namely, the ability to make the trash can lid pop up on command (it has a foot pedal for hand-free opening), to make food disappear (chewing and swallowing), and to make David's work ID badge appear and diappear (it is on a retracting clip that is pretty fast, and G's eyes don't track moving objects at that speed).

It is now a week later, and I am finally returning to post this little entry. Better late than never, I hope.

I saw my son...

Sara Groves sings a song entitled, "I saw what I saw" about a recent trip to Rwanda, and the music video plays footage of her trip as the song plays. At one point, she sings a line, "Something on the road, cut me to the soul," and soon the words "I saw my son in a little boy's eyes" are printed on the screen as we see her talk with one of the Rwandan boys.

Lately, I've been reading and thinking about children who live in situations of neglect and abuse both here and abroad, starting with orphans in Russia, and I think Groves' sentiment is the clearest descriptor of how I am affected by what I read and hear. I am "cut to the soul," in Groves' words, for it is as if I see my son in these tender children.

I have spent several weeks attempting to blog on the topic of Russian orphanages, and I find I am virtually unable to do it. The concept of being orphaned - of having no one delighting in your every smile, no one affirming to you your intrinsic worth -these things I find deeply, deeply grieving. Unfortunately, many orphans in Russia live in this reality, where they are not just orphaned from their birth parents, but in many cases, from enriching, satisfying human contact in general. Russia does have a few foster homes set up to provide children with family environments, but the stipends are so small as to be worthless, and there is no support to speak of for these families, from what I have read (for more information, see this article).

Most orphaned children in Russia do not live in a family care setting; they live out their childbood in institutional settings in which attachment to caregivers is not promoted or may be actively discouraged. Often this is the product of systemic problems in Russia, like underfunding for orphanages, working in tandem with an outdated understanding of child development in which the importance of emotional nurturance is undervalued or competely unrecognized. At the root of the orphan issues there are vast, entrenched social problems, such as high unemployment rates and widespread poverty that result in an environment where 95% of orphans actually have living parents but have been given up to an insitution providing minimally or sub-sufficient standards of care. Most will never be adopted.

I am eager for the church to engage children around the world who are hungry for love, hungry for someone to meet their needs and affirm their value. "Father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling" (Psalm 68:5). We are to be imitators of God, according to Ephesians 5, and God is a father to the fatherless. This is our calling as the body of Christ, as the fullness of him who fills everything in every way (Eph 2).

I hope that you will be praying for the countless children around the world who have unmet emotional or physical needs, that the Lord God will care for them as he does the sparrows, providing their needs daily. Specifically, we can pray that the Lord moves in the hearts and minds of those influencing adoption systems and laws so that children can be quickly (and still safely) adopted by those desiring to parent them.

Other ways to fulfill the calling to be father to the fatherless, I believe, is to become attuned to statements of need from children in your neighborhood, church, your children's friends, or organizations that meet the needs of children. Simple statements of affirmation, recognizing their worth or talents or creativity can be very, very meaningful. Children in your neighborhood may be greatly blessed to have in you a friend with an open door, and as you grow in friendship, you will likely also grow in awareness of what, specifically, would bless that individual child. Or, consider adoption or supporting families who are interested in adoption - financially, as a trustworthy babysitter on occasion, or by simply asking someone you know who is in the process of adopting how you can help.

Finally, you might want to sign up to support a child through World Vision. Monthly payments provide a child with access to education, medical care, food, and in some cases, assistance for the family that may enable them to become more stable and able to provide for the children. World Vision also has links and magazines that enable you to select an option for how you would like to assist a family (for example, buying them chickens so they can sell the eggs). Anything that supports families, supports children.

Catch Up

A wonderful month filled with family, family, more family, and friends. We took a short afternoon trip with David's parents to see Josh, our brother-in-law (David's side). After planning to see him in concert in early July, I got to see him again briefly as we had a surprise meet in the Dallas airport, flying to different locations. A bonus visit :) Altogether, it was nice to introduce Gideon to Josh and have some time with Gideon's grandparents. He clearly thinks that people who adore him, like grandparents, are great.

Also, I had a great visit with my Aunt V and cousins at a cute little diner out in the country about halfway between my place and theirs. I love family time.

And, I traveled with Gideon to San Antonio to see my parents, sisters, the old Mad-dog, and my niece-dog Penny. Such fun! It was great to have conversations in person with them and to eat my mom's tremendously wonderful food. Even her everyday sandwiches just taste better than mine...topped with avocados, tomatoes, pesto or hummus...yum. We swam the Gideonite around the pool a bit, and as best I could tell, he thought being in the water was pretty much the same as being out of it - he gave very little reaction to indicate his feelings on the experience. We'll give him time to love it. He did, however, seem to REALLY enjoy his aunts and grandparents.

This past week, we have had some great time with friends, and this morning I had a visit from a good friend from highschool and now World Traveler Extraordinaire, Kate, and her mother as they were passing through town. Lovely. We could never have imagined days like to today and experiences like we've had, back when we were sophomores in band practice. I feel both greatly blessed and old :) Sophomore year was a ways back by now.

And, this July we're celebrating the birth of a beautiful little girl to good friends of ours in Georgia! Praise God for another little image bearer.

As for projects...they are still not done. But, I suppose that is just how it is going to be! Now that I'm back and things are settling down, I hope to make progress again.

My curtains STILL aren't done, largely because of both problems with the grommets that required reordering...and now require spray painting (supposedly "gold" grommets arrived, and they are clearly orange. Darn.).

I need curtains upstairs, too, and I need a non standard size. Who knows why the windows aren't a standard height, but they aren't. This has limited my ability to buy a set to hang - at least, until I saw a set on an HGTV do-it-yourself show that proposed a solution. I found a nice blue pair of curtains, on the short side, for cheap cheap cheap. Now at some point I need to whack off the bottom three feet or so and replace them with a matching patterned material... a panel long enough to reach the ground. This should be very easy, but the trick will be getting around to doing it. Until then, I think we'll just hang them and live with curtains "a la highwaters."

Finally, I have found a wonderful book list, published originally by World Magazine and summarized in my church newsletter, from which to read over the coming months. I've been wanting something a bit more substantive than my usual fiction fare, so this list is rather timely. For those wanting to check out the list, I believe it is in this article which costs $5 to view online. (Disclaimer: since I already have a few books to work through, I haven't paid to confirm that is the correct article). Also, I have gotten some additional recommendations from others. First up for me:

The Hole in Our Gospel by Richard Stearns, CEO of World Vision. About the application of the gospel to world issues, from what I can tell.
If God is Good: Faith in the Middle of Suffering and Evil by Randy Alcorn
And, The Battle: How the Fight Between Free Enterprise and Big Government Will Shape America's Future by Arthur Brooks.

I recently read Studying, Interpreting, and Applying the Bible by Henrichsen and Jackson. I highly, highly recommend it. It is an easy read with a straightforward approach to studying the Bible. It would be particularly useful to those involved in discipling others, as it is a method that seems easily transmittable.

Ok, that's it! Next time, a few facts and info on the Russian orphancare system.

Global Food Security Act

Ok, short and sweet. I received an email with the following article from World Vision, and I thought it worth sharing. It talks about the starvation taking place in Niger, Africa, AND provides an easy way to advocate with your legislators to co-sponsor the Global Food Security Act. Do something to help fight against hunger today. Check out the article and participate!

Click here to read