Life As We Know It

Ok, I am officially a sporadic blogger. I can live with that. Since I haven't posted in awhile, (and I know everyone is as absolutely fascinated with Gideon's development as I am...?), I thought I would do a quick update on the family life.

Things are going well. We seem to have graduated out of that marriage stage linked to the presence of the newborn - you know, the one where you view each other as relief workers and co-admirers of the baby's geniosity and amazing physical feats, like turning his head toward the noise, or reaching for something sparkly. The stage where you think other parents are weird for wanting to go on dates, not just hire the sitter so they can get some sleep. Now, we seem to have returned to being conscious, interacting persons with a house that is, at least sometimes, under control, if not really clean. We do fun stuff like talk to each other about news or other non-baby related topics and watch "Merlin" episodes on Hulu after Gideon goes to bed and go on the occasional Home Depot date (we go together, we have fun, we spend money. Kind of like a date...right?)

And, I am trying to break into the working world. At my current pace, "break in" might be the correct word choice. It isn't exactly like the nonprofit world has thrown its front door wide open, inviting me in, but I'm still excited for what is to come. I'm just getting started with networking and making all the initial calls and emails. I'm setting up shop as a consultant, offering grant-writing, program evaluation, and advocacy (issue briefs, for example). While I did not like school for being such long days + commute + not making any money, I am looking forward to this part - real life application. I enjoy research and writing and making progress towards goals, making things better, and feeling like I'm accomplishing a purpose. And getting paid. It should be good. :)

Gideon is doing great, too. He is sitting wonderfully and has developed a new skill best labeled, "keeping the toy." Previously, he could see it, he could hold it, and then, after dropping it, he would push it around the floor until it was out of his reach. Now, he is a champ at picking it back up. It's great fun to see him growing up - I can hardly believe how much babies learn each week. In some ways, it is like seeing a plant sprout up and grow a foot right before your very eyes.

Also, we are making progress on the food front. Gideon has decided that vegetables might be real food after all, although he steadfastly refuses to attempt anything with lumps. If a lump sneaks in, he makes the gag face. We're currently using a small regular cup (accompanied at all times by a washcloth under his chin) to let him drink-and-drool his daily drinking water, since he has so far had no luck with sippy cups. He gets SUPER excited to see anyone drinking from a cup, and then is always ready to have some water himself. It's pretty cute.

Lastly,(my baby's so big!), he seems to have given up his pacifier permanently. This isn't anything I thought I would mind, and certainly not something I thought would happen so soon. Unfortunately, this means that we now have no plug to stem the tide of Gideon chatter in church and other quiet, public places. Darn! And,he is way too young understand any sort of indictor signifying he should be quiet. Pacifer 2.0 seems to be books. He will endlessly turn over board books, observing the spine, the covers, and the edge that should open. He then diligently tries to open a page, waves it around, puts it down and tries again, etc. It isn't exactly inconspicuous, but it is quiet, and it occupies him for a really, really long time. I'm sure our rowfellows in church aren't distracted at all...

Ok, that's it. I am updated. I am very, very thankful for all the things listed here as well as many, MANY others, and even more thankful to Him who gives the good and perfect gifts in our lives. Hope you are mentally in thankfulness mode, keeping the spirit of the holiday! Happy Thanksgiving to all :)

Sit Up and Take Notice

So, lately I have been "encouraging" Gideon to sit on his own - as in, pushing him into a sitting position and holding him there to see if he will balance. Instead, he always actively pushes back against my hand, trying to lie down flat on the floor. Today, we were with a group of moms and young kids, and all the kids a few months older than Gideon were crawling/walking around and playing together. Wouldn't you know, I set Gideon down in the usual sitting position, AND HE STAYED THERE. I'm pretty sure this was a, "Hey. I'm big. I can play, too," kind of moment. No need to show off for Mom; I'm going to play with him anyway. But the other kids? He definately sat up and took notice. Who knew my seven month old son would (seemingly) demonstrate a desire to fit in? Does it really start that young?!

After a moment to ponder, I realized, OF COURSE it does. We are, after all, beings created in the image of a relational three-persons-in-perfect-unity-as-one-God. Of course we want to be in relationship other people. It is a great thing, as long as we get the desire to impress right. In the words of the apostle Paul (regarding his preaching of the gospel), "we did not seek to please men but God." Great stuff. It made me wonder:

Am I sitting up and taking notice, looking for deep relationships? And in those relationships, who am I ultimately seeking to please? Hm...

Somewhere Out There

Last night, Gideon displayed his full range of vocal acrobatics - the high staccato shrieks, the impressive display of syllables such as "bababa" and "gagaga"; also, the closed mouth humming that escalates into something louder and more insistant than a hum - maybe a growl? Whatever the case, he was in his full glory, responding to every facial expression, delighting in every elicited response. And we enjoyed him just as much as we did here, when I wrote - shortly after he was born - about how ecstatic we were just to watch him move his head a few inches at a time. Little did we know what great things awaited us.

However, then, just as now, I found that even when I am completely absorbed by how wonderful this little person is, there is still sometimes a bittersweet element for me. You know, some children out there are lonely.

Where does that thought come from, right? Shake it off! Enjoy your family! When I realize that somewhere mixed in with all the wonderful joy is that bit of heaviness, I often feel a bit guilty, like I'm failing to enjoy the really good gifts God the Father has given to me.

Lately, however, I am seeing the experience in a new light - not as something I am generating and then unable to shake off, but as a holy burden, a sign of the Spirit of the Lord at work in me to be making me over, conforming my heart and mind more and more to the likeness of Christ.

"Father of the fatherless and protector of widows
is God in his holy habitation" (Psalm 68:5)

"Therefore, be imitators of God, as dearly loved children"(Eph 5:1).

What does it mean to be an imitator of God, but that we begin to love the things he loves, hate the things he hates? And such I think is the case here - while I have had tenderness in my heart for many years for orphans, the Lord does not just think about them kindly, he LOVES them. And he doesn't love his people in a "Oh, I brought you some lovely flowers," kind of way; he loves us in a, "You are completely screwed up, and at the cost of my own life I will bear the burden of your sin and instead give you my righteousness, for eternity" kind of way. Big difference. Thus far, I would say my love has been, sadly, more the flowers type.

So, having been brought to this point where I am now mourning with the many orphans who lack homes, what next? Pray for them. REALLY, really pray for them.

Really? Prayer? What about...putting this social work training to some good use, or maybe feeling the Lord prompt us that this is the moment to start down the adoption road?

Ah, the point of it all. I found, when I gave it a good, hard look, I don't want to be "relegated" to praying. Even though I have witnessed how powerful and effective it can be to be praying in concert with the will of the Lord, my view of prayer has somewhere along the way been transformed into a weak, lifeless thing compared to what prayer REALLY is, how powerful and effective the prayers of the righteous are. This is a serious problem, as my view of prayer turns out to have drifted far, far away from the Biblical view of prayer. Think about this response to Daniel's prayers...or this response to Elijah's prayers. At least, I need to think about them. God is accomplishing his purposes through the prayers of his people! That is no small thing. And while thinking about them, I think I should be praying...

Not a Tame Lion

Last night I sat down with David to watch Prince of Egypt. I had never seen it before, and David had the opportunity to pick it up and thought it might be good for Gideon some day long in the future. So, I watched it.

I have heard and heard and heard the story of Moses. I always marvel at the story, but through the same perspectives as I had when I first started hearing it...when I was very young. Wow, the plagues are pretty scary and amazing stuff. Look, he parts the sea! These things are still wonderful, treasured parts of the story. But last night was the first time I have thought about this particular story since having Gideon, and I found I experienced the story in a whole new way. Not only God as the Defender of the enslaved Israelites, but He Who Works All Things According to the Counsel of His Will (Ephesians 1) - a view that left me feeling deeply how much our God is not an easy God, not a "tame lion," (C.S. Lewis).

In the story (the book of Exodus), the Hebrews were enslaved, and "they mutliplied and grew exceedingly strong, so that the land was filled with them." Pharoah feared them if they were to rebel, so he ordered that all the newborn sons should be killed - thrown into the Nile. A Hebrew woman bore a son and was able to hide him in safety for three months. Then, she placed him in a basket and sent him down the Nile, a desperate attempt to spare him from being drowned there by Pharoah's men. The story goes on, but that is where I stayed.

The story is painful enough in hindsight, even knowing how the story will end. But to live the reality of it - many, many families lost their newborn sons to the Nile. There was no basket for them, no Pharoah's daughter - just the loss of a child. And for Moses' mother, we have no indication in the text that she was promised by God that Moses would survive. Who knew what would happen to that basket, if he would drown or starve or be otherwise killed? But God was working all things according to the purpose of his will, and he used this situation to bring a Hebrew child into Pharoah's household, to raise up a leader to deliver the Hebrews from slavery, to display his might over all the gods worshipped in Egypt (interesting to note that the plagues often struck at the domain of a given god - the Nile, the crops, etc).

There are many other parts of the story that similarly weigh on me, and all produced an increased awareness that God is at work, and He is good, but He is not easy. He is out to show us that He is mighty and far above all rulers and authorities and power and dominion and to gain the glory which he deserves. What good is it to be happy in this life and miserable for all eternity? (We may not always be happy with our life circumstances, be we are always assured of access to joy in Him that is able to withstand any event or circumstance). It is far better that his greatness should be displayed, even at the cost of suffering for his people, that more may learn to fear the Lord. For, if we do not see Him as great and uncompromisingly just and wrathful against all sin, we may not really believe that we are destined to be objects of his wrath (Eph 2) in the coming days of eternity, unless we have been made righteous in Christ (by trusting in him for the forgiveness of our sins through his death on the cross and resurrection).

But God is working all things according to the purpose of his will - that He might be lifted up and acknowledged for Who he truly is. He worked the evil of Pharoah to his purpose, and He works the suffering in our lives to his purpose. He is a great God, a compassionate One to all who wear Christs' righteousness as a result of having trusted in Christ for the forgiveness of our sins. He is both the giver and the one who takes away, something that is not always easy to understand or experience, but which does not detract from the truth of God as holy, holy, infinitely holy. Praise Him that he offers redemption in Christ, that we might be spared his wrath, and that he is at work in our lives to work all our joys and sufferings according to the purpose of his will.

A Zoo Experience

Fall is here! I am overjoyed. Usually I savor ever last drop of the warm weather, but this year I find myself looking forward to some crisp weather. I suspect that part of this is due to extra body heat associated with carrying around a small little person. Whatever the cause, bring on the fall crispiness.

While enjoying the lovely weather recently, we took Gideon and some of my visiting family to the local zoo. It's small but sweet, and I was excited to give Gideon the opportunity to see that the animals we read about every day are actually real. It turns out, they must seem REALLY real to him - as common as trees, maybe - because he didn't seem to care, even when he could clearly see the animal. (Seeing the animal only occured when they were big and in motion...it helped when they were brightly colored as well. So, most of the time he probably wondered why we were staring at trees or cages). The only animal to get a really excited reaction out of him was the leopard, and I'm pretty sure that is because it was pacing like David does, not because it was a leopard. Gideon gets excited about pacing these days. I was hoping for some reaction to indicate that the zoo was a cool thing to do, but I have been reminded of the truth that the best gifts for babies are the simplest things in life - like walks without animals, in keeping with such other fun simplicities as cardboard boxes. At least I enjoyed the zoo!

Catch-22

It is 4am, and I am awake. Apparently after a few months of having to nurse Gideon every single time anyone woke me, I now move into awakeness even when I should just roll over and go back to sleep. I'm hopeful this effect will wear off...

In keeping with the deep thoughts traditionally associated with the very tired and 4am, this morning (night?) I am musing on Catch-22. (Literally, the book.) I hated this book in highschool - really hated it. This is probably because no one mentioned Catch-22 was a satire before I started reading it, and so while I frittered away the last precious moments of my summer vacation reading a book for school that appeared to be the musings of a crazy person, on par with The Little Prince for French class, I stewed in frustration that THIS was the best literature the education system could dig up for me to read. It wasn't until I was virtually to the end of the book that I realized the whole point is to highlight the insanity associated with beaucracy - a topic which is near and dear to my heart. Needless to say, I softened toward it a bit. Over time, I find my appreciation for the themes of the book has only increased - probably in part because the actual reading of it is becoming more and more a faded memory. (In fairness, who knows if I would appreciate it as much if I sat down tomorrow to re-read it and had to slosh through the three cycles of senselessness again).

The book seems appropriate again in light of our current economic situation. People are in debt, prompting the fedeal government to hurl itself father into debt, and this new debt is likely to reduce family savings further through additional taxes (to pay interest on it) or inflation (printing money to pay the interest). We seem to have entered a self-perpetuating cycle of debt, don't we?

Of Sovereignty and Son

Recently, it occured to me how often I'm on facebook for absolutely no reason - say, when I have already been on in the last few days, or worse, the last few hours. I realized this was becoming a bad habit when I then got distracted from my train of thought, only to then log on to facebook a few minutes later. Yikes! So, I am now being more intentional about living life outside the computer screen. I might get a bit more reading done, for example.

Specifically, I have recently started to read If God is Good: Faith in the Midst of Suffering and Evil by Randy Alcorn. I wanted to read this book, because lately I have been very troubled by the suffering I hear about in the world, and I have decided I ought to dedicate some time and attention to improving the schema in which such feelings reside.

I firmly, firmly believe that God is good, all the time, no exceptions. It is his instrinsic nature, and it remains to this day - and forever- untarnished. He is also sovereign, having absolute authority over all things that occur everywhere; nothing sneaks by him, and he is never backed into a corner and forced to allow suffering. He is aware of it, and he has the power to stop it, and yet he doesn't. He is able to redeem all suffering and evil to his glory, and indeed, a cursory read of the stories of Joseph (Genesus 47ish) and the book of Ruth, to name just two, clearly identify God as not just the redeemer but also the purposer of suffering in the lives of his children - bringing about great and better plans, identifying important and magnificent traits of God, increasing his glory.

Although I am only three chapters into the book, I am hopeful that Alcorn's book will be a provocative read. He agrees with the basic concepts listed above - that God is always good, uncompromisingly sovereign. He seems willing to wrestle with Biblical truth without compromising as many seem to do in hopes of making the issue of God and suffering neater and more easily digested by the general populace. I don't expect Alcorn to have "the answer," but I am hoping for some good food for thought about the Biblical content relating to this topic. I'll let you know if the book meets expectations once I have finished it.

In other news, life with Gideon continues to be an increasing blessing. Not only is he now sleeping - 10 HOURS AT A TIME, hallelujah, but he also now shrieks with laughter and has a developing sense of humor. He understands that when David growls and booms and makes other loud noises, it is funny - not a sign that we should all panic. Furthermore, he delights in David's magical powers - namely, the ability to make the trash can lid pop up on command (it has a foot pedal for hand-free opening), to make food disappear (chewing and swallowing), and to make David's work ID badge appear and diappear (it is on a retracting clip that is pretty fast, and G's eyes don't track moving objects at that speed).

It is now a week later, and I am finally returning to post this little entry. Better late than never, I hope.

I saw my son...

Sara Groves sings a song entitled, "I saw what I saw" about a recent trip to Rwanda, and the music video plays footage of her trip as the song plays. At one point, she sings a line, "Something on the road, cut me to the soul," and soon the words "I saw my son in a little boy's eyes" are printed on the screen as we see her talk with one of the Rwandan boys.

Lately, I've been reading and thinking about children who live in situations of neglect and abuse both here and abroad, starting with orphans in Russia, and I think Groves' sentiment is the clearest descriptor of how I am affected by what I read and hear. I am "cut to the soul," in Groves' words, for it is as if I see my son in these tender children.

I have spent several weeks attempting to blog on the topic of Russian orphanages, and I find I am virtually unable to do it. The concept of being orphaned - of having no one delighting in your every smile, no one affirming to you your intrinsic worth -these things I find deeply, deeply grieving. Unfortunately, many orphans in Russia live in this reality, where they are not just orphaned from their birth parents, but in many cases, from enriching, satisfying human contact in general. Russia does have a few foster homes set up to provide children with family environments, but the stipends are so small as to be worthless, and there is no support to speak of for these families, from what I have read (for more information, see this article).

Most orphaned children in Russia do not live in a family care setting; they live out their childbood in institutional settings in which attachment to caregivers is not promoted or may be actively discouraged. Often this is the product of systemic problems in Russia, like underfunding for orphanages, working in tandem with an outdated understanding of child development in which the importance of emotional nurturance is undervalued or competely unrecognized. At the root of the orphan issues there are vast, entrenched social problems, such as high unemployment rates and widespread poverty that result in an environment where 95% of orphans actually have living parents but have been given up to an insitution providing minimally or sub-sufficient standards of care. Most will never be adopted.

I am eager for the church to engage children around the world who are hungry for love, hungry for someone to meet their needs and affirm their value. "Father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling" (Psalm 68:5). We are to be imitators of God, according to Ephesians 5, and God is a father to the fatherless. This is our calling as the body of Christ, as the fullness of him who fills everything in every way (Eph 2).

I hope that you will be praying for the countless children around the world who have unmet emotional or physical needs, that the Lord God will care for them as he does the sparrows, providing their needs daily. Specifically, we can pray that the Lord moves in the hearts and minds of those influencing adoption systems and laws so that children can be quickly (and still safely) adopted by those desiring to parent them.

Other ways to fulfill the calling to be father to the fatherless, I believe, is to become attuned to statements of need from children in your neighborhood, church, your children's friends, or organizations that meet the needs of children. Simple statements of affirmation, recognizing their worth or talents or creativity can be very, very meaningful. Children in your neighborhood may be greatly blessed to have in you a friend with an open door, and as you grow in friendship, you will likely also grow in awareness of what, specifically, would bless that individual child. Or, consider adoption or supporting families who are interested in adoption - financially, as a trustworthy babysitter on occasion, or by simply asking someone you know who is in the process of adopting how you can help.

Finally, you might want to sign up to support a child through World Vision. Monthly payments provide a child with access to education, medical care, food, and in some cases, assistance for the family that may enable them to become more stable and able to provide for the children. World Vision also has links and magazines that enable you to select an option for how you would like to assist a family (for example, buying them chickens so they can sell the eggs). Anything that supports families, supports children.

Catch Up

A wonderful month filled with family, family, more family, and friends. We took a short afternoon trip with David's parents to see Josh, our brother-in-law (David's side). After planning to see him in concert in early July, I got to see him again briefly as we had a surprise meet in the Dallas airport, flying to different locations. A bonus visit :) Altogether, it was nice to introduce Gideon to Josh and have some time with Gideon's grandparents. He clearly thinks that people who adore him, like grandparents, are great.

Also, I had a great visit with my Aunt V and cousins at a cute little diner out in the country about halfway between my place and theirs. I love family time.

And, I traveled with Gideon to San Antonio to see my parents, sisters, the old Mad-dog, and my niece-dog Penny. Such fun! It was great to have conversations in person with them and to eat my mom's tremendously wonderful food. Even her everyday sandwiches just taste better than mine...topped with avocados, tomatoes, pesto or hummus...yum. We swam the Gideonite around the pool a bit, and as best I could tell, he thought being in the water was pretty much the same as being out of it - he gave very little reaction to indicate his feelings on the experience. We'll give him time to love it. He did, however, seem to REALLY enjoy his aunts and grandparents.

This past week, we have had some great time with friends, and this morning I had a visit from a good friend from highschool and now World Traveler Extraordinaire, Kate, and her mother as they were passing through town. Lovely. We could never have imagined days like to today and experiences like we've had, back when we were sophomores in band practice. I feel both greatly blessed and old :) Sophomore year was a ways back by now.

And, this July we're celebrating the birth of a beautiful little girl to good friends of ours in Georgia! Praise God for another little image bearer.

As for projects...they are still not done. But, I suppose that is just how it is going to be! Now that I'm back and things are settling down, I hope to make progress again.

My curtains STILL aren't done, largely because of both problems with the grommets that required reordering...and now require spray painting (supposedly "gold" grommets arrived, and they are clearly orange. Darn.).

I need curtains upstairs, too, and I need a non standard size. Who knows why the windows aren't a standard height, but they aren't. This has limited my ability to buy a set to hang - at least, until I saw a set on an HGTV do-it-yourself show that proposed a solution. I found a nice blue pair of curtains, on the short side, for cheap cheap cheap. Now at some point I need to whack off the bottom three feet or so and replace them with a matching patterned material... a panel long enough to reach the ground. This should be very easy, but the trick will be getting around to doing it. Until then, I think we'll just hang them and live with curtains "a la highwaters."

Finally, I have found a wonderful book list, published originally by World Magazine and summarized in my church newsletter, from which to read over the coming months. I've been wanting something a bit more substantive than my usual fiction fare, so this list is rather timely. For those wanting to check out the list, I believe it is in this article which costs $5 to view online. (Disclaimer: since I already have a few books to work through, I haven't paid to confirm that is the correct article). Also, I have gotten some additional recommendations from others. First up for me:

The Hole in Our Gospel by Richard Stearns, CEO of World Vision. About the application of the gospel to world issues, from what I can tell.
If God is Good: Faith in the Middle of Suffering and Evil by Randy Alcorn
And, The Battle: How the Fight Between Free Enterprise and Big Government Will Shape America's Future by Arthur Brooks.

I recently read Studying, Interpreting, and Applying the Bible by Henrichsen and Jackson. I highly, highly recommend it. It is an easy read with a straightforward approach to studying the Bible. It would be particularly useful to those involved in discipling others, as it is a method that seems easily transmittable.

Ok, that's it! Next time, a few facts and info on the Russian orphancare system.

Global Food Security Act

Ok, short and sweet. I received an email with the following article from World Vision, and I thought it worth sharing. It talks about the starvation taking place in Niger, Africa, AND provides an easy way to advocate with your legislators to co-sponsor the Global Food Security Act. Do something to help fight against hunger today. Check out the article and participate!

Click here to read

To Be Continued

Lately, I haven't exactly been a faithful blogger. Unfortunately, this is going to extend a bit longer. I have decided to just announce that I'm taking July off from blogging...check back in August, if you read. I am working on a few projects at the moment that compete with my blogging time. I need to finish my curtains, and I'm traveling to see family, etc.

Also, this fall I am going to somewhat change the topics about which I write. Now that I have a child, I have found it alters my perception of the world in unexpected ways. One such way is that I feel deeply, DEEPLY grieved about social issues affecting children that I already knew and cared about - like Russian orphanages in which infants have such low levels of relational interaction that they no longer make vocalizations. And child abuse. And lack of food and medical care in many countries. These days I more than care, I am borderline obsessive about them. Since at the moment I'm not going to pick up and head out to work hands on with these issues, instead I am going to research related topics and post condensed issue briefs here.

So, check back. I appreciate that you read!

The Conundrums of Choice

This week I read an article in Money Magazine about choice that I found applicable to basically all of life. Key thoughts that stood out to me:

1)Neurologically, we are wired to manage five to nine options well. More is overload and often produces an avoidance response, where we just don't make any intentional choice, because we can't decide.

And 2), We highly prize keeping all options open, so we are likely to waste energy and resources keeping all options available, even when there are way too many.

As part of her research on this topic, Sheena Iyengar set up a booth selling jam and found that when she offered more varieties, more people stopped at the booth, but fewer bought. When she offered fewer varieties, fewer people stopped, but more bought. I think this is completely fascinating, and in my life, true. Case in point: I have now essentially made my curtains for the living room, but they continue to languish unhanged against the wall. Why? I need to order a grommet setter from the internet, but it seems that there are a gazillion websites selling them, and each sells a slightly different variety. After reading the article, it occurs to me that I'm rather endlessly procrastinating because I'm not sure how to figure out both who I should buy from and which size and what type of grommet setter to get. I should figure out some criteria to be king - say, a website who will accept payment via PayPal, for security - and just order it.

In terms of grommet setters, choice isn't exactly impacting my life in a major way. However, the problem of choice IS affecting my life in some significant ways in other areas. With Gideon, I have a set amount of free time each day when he sleeps. Some situations make it easy to choose what I will do - sleep, cooking, showering...these are important to daily life functioning. But between other fairly equal and competing options? Much tougher to decide. For example, I could commit to practicing the piano every day again. But, then I might not be able to practice Spanish, and long term, I will not be fluent. And so on and so on...since I haven't decided what DOES make the cut and what doesn't, I don't seem to be making progress on either one, or any of the other competing options either. Instead, I facebook. Not that I intend to throw facebook by the wayside, mind you, but it doesn't need to occupy all the time I'm giving it lately.

So, my goal, after reading this article? Identify ONE thing (beyond the basics of everyday) to be involved with on a regular basis. And then do it.

As I thought about this article more, I realized that difficulty making choices is not just a new problem resulting from all the technology that has exponentially expanded the options available to us. This problem of avoiding decisions has been around at least since the time of the apostle Paul, and surely since the beginning of man. "Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of time, for the days are evil..." Eph 5:16 This verse seems to have some rather specific applications, as suggested by the verses immediately around it - namely that wisdom is to be an imitator of God. But additionally, the action of the verse seems to be a caution that we are to intentionally steward our lives to the glory of God, rather than just be acted upon by the days. (I remember meditating on this verse not too long ago and thinking I should be more intentional...and here I am. Clearly, still working on this one).

For all of us, then, a certain amount of choosing and decision-making is an appropriate and required element of the God-honoring life. Iyengar's research certainly doesn't map out exactly how we should go about stewarding our lives, but it does offer interesting insights into how to work with our brain makeup - rather than against or in spite of it - to make choices in the everyday. It's worth a read, in my opinion.

The Making of Things

Last night Gideon slept in three, 3.5h shifts. I preface this with that, because restedness is a key predictor of my level of motivation... I am still mourning the disappearance of the four hour shifts, but hope they will return soon. In the meantime, I am glad to have had a night without ANY two hour wake-up calls.

Since I woke up fairly well rested this morning, I have decided that this is the week to tackle my first major sewing project ever. Curtains. I am making grommeted single-panel curtains with a liner, for those who care for such details. I like this option because it calls for a single width of fabric rather than two or three widths...much more affordable (especially when one utilizes 50% off sales at local fabric stores - ALWAYS exciting). And, it requires header work, but not so much as to make me cry before I even start. I had thought I wanted something formal like a French pleat, but then I realized that there is no such thing as french pleat header tape. There is only the tape/buckram that one must pin and then sew into pleats. Since french pleated curtains also require 2-3 widths of fabric to look remotely full, the savings resulting from doing the work myself is...zero dollars. I would actually spend MORE to make them than to buy a really nice formal pair of curtains. It would take me forever, and I would cry before finishing them, and possibly even before starting them. That's just silly. Clearly, grommeted is the better option.

So, to prepare for the launching of my sewing endeavor, I have had my recently acquired (via Craig's list) sewing machine tuned up, and, I bought a sewing basket. My thread, needles, scissors, buttons, and pins are finally graduating from my jr. high pencil box - from which they were overflowing - into their very own organized home.
Actually, I spent a ridiculous amount of time organizing said sewing basket this afternoon, and now have it conspicuously placed in the middle of my kitchen table - open - so I can admire it. I know, it's just a sewing basket. But, there's nothing like enjoying the simple pleasures in life, right? We'll see if I'm as enthusiastic about the curtain-making process as I have been about the getting-ready-to-make-curtains process...more on this later.

The Good and Unexpected

Sunshine, GLORIOUS sunshine! Today our small family of three began the day with an idyllic walk around the neighborhood. At least, that was the plan. Unforuntately, David's sandals malfunctioned, and it turns out we bought a stroller that doesn't really stroll all that well. (Sigh.) I have taken it out and about a few times, but this was the first time I tried such challenges as slightly uneven sidewalks, bumpy streets, and grass. It doesn't go, so much as stop, when it encounters such obstacles; poor Gideon may need a chiropractor. The stroller came from Craig's list, and thence it shall return.

Ok, that was Saturday, and today is now Tuesday. I seem to have gotten distracted.

Sunday started out a bit disastrously, as Gideon was awake frequently throughout the night, and in the morning I was exhausted and had a very sore throat. Not the auspices of a great day in the making.

But, the day recovered well. I wouldn't have imagined that such a day would end up being one of my favorites of the spring, but it was. We (and by we I mean David) planted wonderful little green and flowering plants along our front walk and along the back patio. I potted a few plants, but on the whole my contribution must be described honestly as keeping him company rather than really working...for the most part I rested on the blanket and fetched water or tools or cookies (true sustenance)as needed. Gideon is quite the contented outdoor baby, at least at this stage. He seemed happy to lie on the blanket, watch trees, and wiggle under the breeze. I was very glad to be out in creation enjoying my little family. Such wonderful blessings.

And today, Tuesday, has its own gloriousness as well. Last night was the first night that Gideon managed a five hour stretch at night, making this morning a much easier morning. Usually we do 2-3 hour increments, occasionally a four hour stretch. Five was unexpected and, I can only assume, the product of having loaded Gideon up on formula last night before bed. I always give one ounce after the bedtime nursing, and for various reasons, last night I gave three. And then he slept, and I slept and no one made a peep until the wee hours of the morning...and it was wonderful. Needless to say, three ounces could become the new nightcap norm. Today is also going to be a lovely day of family time, and I am very, very excited. I love my family.

I am exceedingly grateful to the Maker of beautiful babies and wonderful husbands and summer days for the glories of the recent days. We do receive such undeserved gifts at such unexpected times. As much as I have enjoyed the recent gloriousness, I am reminded that it is pale indeed compared to the gift of Christ, the great Gift and guarantee to those who believe on Him of an eternity of glorious days in the prescence of the Most Glorious One.

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation due to a shadow of turning. James 1:17

Amen and amen, no?

The Goodness of the Week

Oh, the random goodness. Today, we officially eradicated the baby mullet! Who knew my child was born with such an unfortunate hairstyle?! Not me...I must have been blinded by mother love. Having finally realized it two weeks ago, I made a mental note to cut it, and finally have. In our attempt to even out the sides and back to match the shorter top, I have basically shorn him bald. He's such a cute bald baby!

And, the major news of the week is that Gideon smiles! I love it, love it, love it. It is wonderful to have a sense of what things made his little happy neurons fire. The big winners so far are the swing, the crib mobile, and a windup music-playing toy that intersperses a few lines of off-key music with a tinny dog bark. All play music. Apart from things that play music, plaid seems to be also quite entertaining. He can stare at the plaid fabric on his highchair for almost the entire duration of my dinner prep activities...who knew plaid was so exciting?

Finally, in this catalgue of random good things, this week I made my big return to partaking in outside gloriousness. I pulled out the stroller and off we went. I even had the opportunity to go walking with another mother from church, a welcome moment of friendship and conversation and sunshine. Praise God who makes all things, who is the giver of good gifts like babies to take on walks, hot winds, sunshine, brisk post-rain air, and adult conversations. I have enjoyed them all.

Future goodness to enjoy? More sleep. While I am immensely pleased with the increase in sleep between week 1 and week 6, I am still anticipating more to come. Today I got up with Gideon in the morning, enjoyed a bit of play time, and went back to bed when he went down for a nap. Then when he woke up, David got up with him for the late morning awakeness while I slept in. I foresee great things for Saturday mornings if this plan continues. Praise the Lord for Saturday mornings and NAPS!

The Big Move

Recently, David and I watched an episode of "$10 grand in your hand" (a house renovation show). In an effort to save money, one guy who was afraid of heights was going to have to go up in a lift four stories high. When asked how he was going to do it, he laughed and said he was just going to take his big boy pill and get in the thing.

Well, Saturday night I took my big girl pill. We moved Gideon out of our room and into his nursery, and about halfway through the night, I even turned off the monitor. Even though physically it wasn't a big move - about 12 steps difference from his old spot in our room to his new crib location - it was still a big move psychologically. I could no longer crack an eye and see his little chest moving, which is a wonderfully comforting sight. (Gideon spent the first week choking on mucus, and I'm still recovering from the state of hyperalertness that induces in a new parent). I went to bed convinced that I would probably not sleep well for wondering if he was ok...and then promptly fell fast asleep. Never underestimate the power of sleep deprivation! All in all, I didn't get more sleep, as we still do regular feedings all night long, but I did get better sleep, as I didn't wake to his every squeak and cough in between the "Feed Me" cries. Last night I continued to put him down in his room, and he took it like a champ - minimal protest. All month long I've been telling myself, "Just make it to one month, and things will settle down." And they are. Sleep is a good first step.

Other than sleep, our daily activities are basically feeding, watching Agatha Christie's Poirot solve perplexing crimes in one hour DVD episodes, and playing "pass the baby." I hand off Gideon to David in order to shower and accomplish a few things, and he hands him back in order to study. We're still pretty fascinated by the little guy and have begun taking short videos of all the completely interesting things he does...like hold his own head up and try to stand. (You think that's interesting, right?! Ok, we're still new parents. We know.) I was rather demoralized to realize that one can't actually email video footage, as it is too big. Until I figure out something better, I'll have to accumulate a few videos, burn them to a DVD, and mail them out to interested parties (read: grandparents). Anyone have a better suggestion for how to share a video without making it available online to the entire world? I know there must be ways, but I don't know what they are.

And, for those who are waiting...there are no pictures coming to this blog anytime soon. I'm not interested in figuring out how to lock it, and email and facebook both offer the opportunity to share pictures to a more limited audience than the whole world. If you haven't seen pictures and want to, comment or email me, and I'll get some out.

Gideon

We have a son! I've taken so long to return to blogging that you probably knew that already, but just in case you didn't...we do: Gideon, thus named after the Biblical figure (see Judges 6). We like that the name means "mighty man of God" or "warrior," and the Biblical Gideon was clearly a man humble before the Lord. Check out the story, as it is worth the read. You can find it online here. Cade is his middle name: we just like it with Gideon, and it turns out to also mean "warrior," which seemed cohesive. I should say - I'm not expecting Gideon to necessarily be a physical warrior, but I like the meaning for attributes like strength of character, the ability to confront/challenge life, etc. Above all, he was humble before God and obedient to Him - qualities we hope for with regards to our Gideon. It was an awesome experience to hear him cry, have the doctor announce we had a son, and give him his name.

And yet again, with Gideon's birth, God proved his timing is infinitely better than mine; after all my complaining that I was STILL pregnant, I ended up delivering him at 41 weeks on a Wednesday, and my mom arrived in town on the day I left the hospital - it just worked out that way, no change in flights necessary. Good thing, too, as all my previous illusions of being somewhat self-sufficient in the days after delivery could, in hindsight, more accurately be called delusions. And, it was wonderful to be able to share Gideon with both sets of grandparents so soon after his birth - something we also would have missed out on if I had my way originally. I stand humbled, provided for, and blessed by the Lord's timing.

Gideon is one of the calmest and quietest babies I have ever come across, initially leading me to believe that we were going to have the world's easiest baby. And then I realized, sleep is his achilles heel. Thankfully, at two weeks he is now sleeping in 1-3 hour increments, so I'm getting some sleep as well.

All in all, we love parenting Gideon. We're still amazed that he's here and that we're three, no longer two. We are mesmerized by his every facial expression, convinced his ability to move his head around is a sign of future Olympic athlete status, and delighted by the activity of labeling his various actions and noises. For example, he "tree frogs": alot of his little outfits are green, and when you hold him up over your should to burp him, he slumps and wiggles until he is significantly lower on your chest with arms and legs all bent and splayed to the sides...just like a frog hanging onto a tree. And, he turtles: when rooting around for food, he opens and closes his mouth and sticks his neck way out...just to check and make sure he isn't missing the opportunity to eat by one inch :) Yes, yes we are new parents; you're SUPPOSED to be this delighted by the baby. Otherwise, you might remember how tired you are...

Delighted, tired, and humbled: probably my three adjectives of the week. Especially in the middle of the night when I'm up with Gideon and all is quiet, I think...you are made by the hand of the Lord (In Him all things were made. Without him, nothing was made that has been made. John 1). You are made to reflect and convey something about the glory of God (Let us make man in our image, in our likeness...Genesis 1), a God who is faithful and will equip you and give you purpose (For you are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do Ephesians 2:10), to his glory. You are both temporal(All men are like grass, and their glory like the flowers of the field Isaiah 40:6) and eternal (For God so loved the world that He gave his only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16). You are called by the Lord to repentence and humility before him, that you should have peace and joy abiding in him; but, you have the opportunity to disobey (For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only Son of God. John 3:17-18). And, I have been entrusted to prayerfully raise you up in the knowledge and wisdom of the Lord, attributes which only God himself can instill, but which we are to teach and model. (Love the Lord your God with all your heart with all your soul and with all your strength...Impress [these commands] upon your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down, and when you get up...Deuteronomy 6:1-13; ...Bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. Eph 6:4).

How precious and awesome a responsibility is raising Gideon, and how great and merciful and glorious and completely sufficient is our God. And so in conclusion, I rejoice in the words sung by Christians since Thomas Ken penned them in 1674...
Praise God from whom all blessings flow,
Praise Him all creatures here below,
Praise Him above ye heavenly hosts,
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.

Due dates, Book Recommendations, and the Micro and Macro World of Healthcare

Well, the big day (due date) has come and gone without any big news, as you may have figured out. Yesterday I went in for a doctor's appointment, and the nurse got excited and told me I was contracting regularly and probably about to have a baby, so I got excited, too, for about 20 minutes...until I remembered that I've been feeling those little annoying tightenings for probably 3 weeks now - CLEARLY, not a sign of labor in my case. Darn!

However, while the wait seems pretty long, at least the weather has been fairly cooperative...nothing like sunshine and a good book to lift the spirits. Granted, for those of you beneath the Mason-Dixon, 60's is probably a paltry example of a lovely spring day, but after such a cold winter, I LOVE it. As for the good book part...may I recommend James W. Huston to anyone interested in government conspiracy/military adventure type books? He seems to start with some little known line from the constitution and develop a "what if we interpreted this clause like THIS?" kind of scenario. Pretty interesting and not as convoluted as say, a Tom Clancy storyline.

Should I run out of house/errand/reading things to do, I find I can always count on the insurance company to occupy an afternoon. As I've mentioned in previous posts, there are two institutions in life that I'm fairly sure God designed just to test me, to see if I have mastered patience and self-control. These are the government(specifically the Downers Grove parking-ticket issuing body) and insurance.

In one of the great mysteries of life, my insurance company (United Health Care, let the record show!) has decided that the two major hospitals nearby are out of network, but the two country hospitals that don't even have labor and delivery wards that are located 40 minutes out in the country...those they like. Since you CAN'T deliver there, I obviously won't, but the process of communication with UHC about this has unfailingly been an unending set of phone transfers between the exceptions department - who says I don't need an exception to go to a nearby hospital, so they won't issue one, and the benefits department - who is all geared up to charge me out-of-network rates unless I have an exception. TOO WIERD, right?? I finally, FINALLY got my exception (VICTORY!!) and then found out that they had set it for one day - my due date - and since that passed, they closed it out. It is moments like these that confirm to me we are not an evolving species and that motivate me to demand better funding for education to promote a basic level of reasoning skills.

In other news, I spent the wee hours the morning this morning perusing the internet for information about this health care bill. I prefer to get my information from briefs published by advocacy groups rather than from mainstream media- you know where the advocacy group is coming from, and they do a better job of elucidating on the areas they care about, pros and cons. Surprisingly, NO issue briefs appeared in the morning's search results, leaving me to read just basic overviews provided by news stations. The most specific, succint summary I found is here, and the most detailed summary of the tax provisions that I found is located here. If you find better resources, please attach them to this post so others can read them!

I would love to read critiques of the bill that are more specific than "death squads" "rationing" "expensive" and really explain what parts various groups think are faulty, but I didn't find anything by anyone who seemed to actually know what they were talking about. I'm hopeful that useable materials will appear in coming days. I'm not yet willing to go digging through all 2,000 pages myself.

From what I can tell thus far, the death squads/rationing concern stems from a provision that provides monetary incentive to doctors to provide end of life couseling to seniors on Medicare and anyone with a terminal illness. Also, there is concern that swelling the ranks of the insured without creating incentives for people to become doctors will limit general access to medical care. And, no one can sue the government, apparently, leading to concerns that the government has final say about health care decisions. Anyone know of more specifics on this critique?

Also, the bill apparently mandates that states spend money on setting up health-care exchanges, and after 2016, states will bear at least some of the costs for the increased Medicaid population (because the bill expands eligibility to cover more people). I'm confused on this one; I thought any mandate had to be accompanied by funding? Anyway, some governors are opposing the bill on the grounds that their state can't afford the financial burden it places on them.

Expensive, as far as I can tell, is all a matter of perspective. The federal government states it is saving money, the states are up in arms about having to spend money, and undeniably the wealthier among us will foot the bill for the coming changes to the system. The question doesn't really seem to be IF the bill is expensive, it's just which group you want to see pay for all this...

More in coming days as I find it, assuming I'm not busy utilizing my healthcare in the labor and delivery ward. Again, feel free to attach information to this post. Opinions are fine, but actual information is preferred. Thanks!

Identity Revisited

So, a few posts ago I wrote about identity and the fact that major parts of my life are about to shift with the arrival of the baby. Recently, I returned to Old Testament reading about the various individuals of wickedness or faith recorded there. I found that short verses began to really jump out at me, namely those that were a summary description of the person's character or life actions as viewed by God. A few examples:

Of Caleb, Numbers 14. "...because he has a different spirit and follows me fully"

Of King Jehosaphat of Judah, 2 Chronicles 17. "His heart was courageous in the ways of the Lord."

Of King Abijam, 1 Kings 15, "And he walked in all the sins that his father did before him, and his heart was not wholly true to the LORD his God, as the heart of David his father."

Of King Asa, 1 King 15, "And Asa did what was right in the eyes of the Lord..."

Of King Ahab of Israel, 1 Kings 16 "Ahab did more to provoke the LORD, the God of Israel, to anger than all the kings of Israel who were before him."

And of course, Hebrews chapter 11 describes a long list of people of great faith and is well-worth reading over. There are many, many more descriptions of both good and bad individuals throughout Scripture, but even just these have been enough to make me wonder...how would God describe me? On our own, we are all assured of a judgement of "wicked" or "evil" or "unholy," before God...no amount of good deeds can restore us to perfection and holiness. To be judged as such is to spend an eternity apart from God; He is Holy, Wonderful, Perfect...evil and wickedness will not dwell with Him in heaven, but apart from Him in hell.

But, for those who believe in Christ, we have the assurance that He sees us as righteousness because Christ has covered over all our wickedness and clothed us before God in his own perfect righteousness. While this is a beautiful, blessed assurance of access to eternity with Him in heaven, our all-knowing God is sure to be aware of my character as it stands in the moment...and thankfully, He supplies His spirit to empower us to grow and mature from whatever point we find ourselves. But it all makes me wonder...does He see me as timid? bold? persevering, hopeful, or easily turned aside? Food for thought, as I consider my ways in light of Scripture -there are words to describe me, but are the ones I want to continue to fulfill before God?

To Be a Warrior

This morning I woke up AFTER dawn (not guaranteed these days) to a breakfast of hot tea and banana bran muffins...altogether, a delightful start to the day. I have recently been reading from Judges in the Old Testament; I really like Old Testament stories. Being a rather avid novel reader, I often wish the Bible came with appendices... "The Expanded Version of Othniel," for example.

Consider: The Israelites have been set free from generations of brutal slavery under the Egyptians. Despite the miracles they witnessed as God intervened on their behalf against the Egyptians (10 plagues), the Israelites almost immediately (and then repeatedly thereafter) failed to trust and worship the Lord, angering Him and resulting in 40 years of wandering in the desert. After 40 years of wandering in the desert, the Israelites come to the land God has set out for them, and they send 12 spies to survey the situation. 10 report a hopeless situation in which the Israelites have no chance of prevailing against the current inhabitants, and 2 view the situation with an eye towards God's mighty power and are more optimistic. These two are Caleb and Joshua. Joshua becomes the number two man after Moses (and later, leads the people into the promised land). Of Caleb, God declares in Numbers 14, "But my servant Caleb, because he has a different spirit and has followed me fully, I will bring into the land into which he went, and his descendants shall possess it." (The full account is in Exodus, Numbers, Deuteronomy, and Joshua).

In Joshua 14, Caleb is allotted the land of the Anakites, who are fierce warriors with fortified cities. At age 85, he proclaims himself still strong and war-ready, and he proceeds to drive out most of the Anakim from the land with God's strength. Last, he comes to the city of Kiriath-sepher, at which points he declares that whoever goes out and captures the city shall have Caleb's daughter as a wife.

"And Othniel the son of Kenaz, the brother of Caleb, captured it. And [Caleb] gave him Achsah his daughter for a wife." (Joshua 15 and Judges 1) It's such a small verse for such a cool story, made even better by the fact that the name Othniel apparently means "Lion of God" in Hebrew. One presumes that when someone offers his daughter like this, he is pretty sure there are men out there who want her enough to risk taking on a fortified city in battle. I suspect Caleb knew exactly who was going to go after the city. Anyway, scattered verses indicate this family experienced intrigue (spying), war, romance...

So, this was my morning. I was reminded of how the faithful in the Old Testament are so focused on God's power that they are able to overcome (or even, at times, completely avoid?) the disappointment or fear that naturally accompanies the VERY significant challenges life presents to them - like warriors in fortified cities, lions' dens, and death threats. Their stories become some of the most incredible adventures one could imagine, very unlike this image of "boring spirituality" that seems to abound today. One can't help but be inspired.